This past month I experienced true homesickness for the first time. My heart was aching for the comforts of my old life. The routine I had, seeing friends I had grown up with all my life, the love of my family and a familiar town. I’m not sure if this was because I’m the farthest away from home I have ever been before, this is the longest time I have spent away from lovely Northeast Ohio, I’ve dealt with changes upon changes or what it was but a few weeks ago this homesick feeling hit me like a ton of bricks.
I kept this struggle I was feeling to myself. I didn’t want my teammates to think I didn’t want to be here and I didn’t want friends or family to worry about me. So I hid it as best I could. I didn’t do a very good job of it though because it wasn’t long until those I’ve been living with started asking if I was ok. When I began opening up how I was feeling I found out that a lot of them had been having similar feelings. I realized that all I did by keeping my thoughts and struggles in the dark was give the enemy a foothold on difficulties I was facing by not brining them into the light.
One of my teammates made a point that I loved about this desire for our homes we were feeling. She said, this must be how our souls feel being away from heaven. They must be longing for that home, where they belong. And I realized that on days where I don’t make it a priority to intentionally spend time with my Heavenly Father, I feel a longing in myself for something I cant explain. This feeling comes over me where I feel like I have a need that I have to fill. Sometimes I try to fill it with comforts like shopping, food or movies/tv. But what I’ve realized is it is just my soul longing to connect with where it belongs. The only way I can give it the fulfillment it needs is by diving into my personal relationship with my Father.
I have never felt a longing for something like this so bad before and it put into perspective for me a spiritual side of things that I don’t necessarily see all the time but often feel. I have loved seeing God’s beautiful world these past 5 months and I am looking forward to seeing so much more of His creation the next 6 months, but there is just something about my little, hometown that none of this can replace. This doesn’t mean that I am planning to live in Louisville, Ohio for the rest of my life. I’m excited and willing to go wherever the Lord calls me after this, but my heart is attached to where I grew up. Just like my soul is forever attached to Heaven, no matter how long it is here on earth.
The Lord’s provision is so good and thankfully He filled my heart with so much love and joy this month that the longing for my home I was feeling didn’t last long or stop me from the work He wanted me to do here. Rather, it gave me a perspective of how full my soul will feel when He brings me to the wonderful Kingdom He has waiting for me.
Malaysia has been beautiful in so many ways. I have been stretched, a lot, but seen so much growth in myself as well. I have stepped out of my comfort zone by preaching sermons at church, singing worship songs even though I can’t carry a tune, praying for strangers through language barriers and getting adapted to a completely new culture on a completely new side of the world. I have seen people who worship idols brought to tears just from the joy of the Lord that my team and I bring to a house as we enter it, I have seen God provide fun and refreshing times for my team and I to get refilled. I have felt His love through an abundant amount of people this month. Some of these people I will continue to live with everyday for the next several months and some I may never see again, but what I’ve realized is He uses everyone I come in contact with for His glory.
He’s an amazing God and even though I was intimidated by some of the ways we were asked to do ministry this month, I am honored that He has called me and trusted me to share His wonderful gospel with people across the world from where I grew up. How lucky are we to not only know this good news of a God who loves us and simply wants us to follow Him so He can delight us, but that we get to tell those who are lost, lonely, empty and broken about it too?!
God is amazing and I know His goodness will continue. I will see it more and more as my personal relationship with Him grows. I’m on fire for my Heavenly Father and it’s so wonderful to know that this fire I have for Him is not just one way but that He is on fire for me too. As we head to Thailand tomorrow, I am so excited to see Him show up in even bigger and new ways than He did this month and to please Him by loving His lost sheep to the best of my ability.
