Time to blog. If this was the library, I’d owe quite the fee. Summer is still here according to the label of today (September 7th), but…. it’s over. And it was weird. Weird, weird, weird, weird.
Toward the beginning of the summer I texted a good friend, Kate Balon, something like this: “I hate where I live, who I’m around, what I’m doing. Why.” She responded exactly this (still have it locked), no sympathy, just straight up honesty, and boy was she right: “Maybe this is God just showing you that you need to get on track with Him or you won’t be prepared to go on the race. He doesn’t want you to go unless you are prepared. Who or what is more deserve-ed of our time than the mighty God, the Great I Am (Hallelujah, Halleljah, gospel choir…)."
There has been a lot of sickness/injury amongst my family, friends, and self, and loads of things happened that I wouldn’t have expected, fathomed, or knew possible. It was also odd not preparing for a 5th school year back at Houghton College. I appreciate that campus even more now that I’m not returning. There’s a hole in my stomach when I intensely think about where the class of 2012 is scattered around the world….. but these seasons are necessities. I love you all!
With guards down, I was boiling this summer. Almost literally (the place I lived likes to trap heat more than anyplace I’ve ever lived). I was also boiling with irritability. Rawr! Toward the beginning of the summer I had a simple procedure done that caused a truckload of complications. My surgeon and doctor didn’t know what was wrong. I couldn’t eat or drink and I morbidly planned my funeral. It was surreal. I lost 9 pounds in 6 days, spent several hours in the ER, and BLAH-DE-DA. After this happened, I was exhausted for weeks and grew a strong irritability toward comments or snide remarks about my whereabouts, messiness, or really any criticism.
One of the fabulous high school classes I taught.
I was an AmeriCorps volunteer this summer with a program called “Jumpstart”. This is a summer school opportunity for refugees (who came to America within the past year) to learn English. I was a teacher assistant alongside 3 certified ESL teachers. I also worked with refugee resettlement agencies, and was a camp counselor for the refugees at the end of the summer. I did the same program last year and absolutely loved it. The children have rubber band spirits that make you want to change.your.life. SO – I came into the summer with high expectations from the summer before. Once my sickness settled down a bit, summer school was just around the corner. I thought my negativity would evaporate or at least disperse a bit once I was in that setting again. Wrong.
As the program started and my self-absorption and anger increased, I considered quitting. I found myself apathetic toward the kids in my classes (a bright red flag insisting change!). The 5th day of the program I was teaching a girl the alphabet. Rahma came from Somalia and couldn’t write in any language, she had a terrible time trying to remember the ABCs (which when you really think about it…. are mad challenging to learn! The hardest letters to distinguish for her: A&E, S&Z, B&P, D&B, D&P, I&K, M&N, D&T).
It was the 5th morning of the same thing. In an attempt to cover my impatience, I had her write down every letter she could remember so I could sit in silence and calm down. After a couple minutes of this, I heard her breathe extraordinarily heavy and I immediately jerked my head. Shy Rahma grabbed her side, started yelling her breaths (those are the only descriptive words I can think of to describe that awful sound), and collapsed. I yelled across the room for the certified teacher to help, ran up & down 2 floors to the nurse’s office (3 times), rode to the ER with my student, and waited for a verdict. All is well. Unbeknownst to anyone in America but her family, this happens to her from time to time in extreme heat.
After watching Rahma unconscious in the ambulance, unsure if she was going to live or die (extreme, I know, but we had no idea what it could’ve been), I was slapped across the face. I started asking myself questions like, “If I thought of other activities to do with her, would this have happened?” and having thoughts like, “Maybe her mind wouldn’t have been on the heat if I just gave 5 minutes the night before to brainstorm. I couldn’t have given her tasks more boring… just because I refused creativity. Maybe I would’ve noticed a change in her behavior if I was paying more attention to her, she could’ve been helped sooner.” Etc.
This event changed a lot. Although it was still hard to get in the swing of things, to use much energy as I was still weak from sickness, and to forget the ways I had been bothered that summer, God erased a chalkboard of thick, ugly, and piercing scribbles and replaced it with the board alone, allowing me to become new again. Because He is so gracious. This summer, God taught me to remain faithful and obedient in all circumstances, that ignoring Him gets you nowhere, that He’ll throw whatever curveball He finds sufficient, and Hakuna Matata.
It was a wakeup call to be ready for anything, to expect the unexpected, and to love the way Christ says.
It's just worth it.
Kate also texted me this verse near the same time in the summer, soak it in!
2 Timothy 1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
Other scripture from the summer:
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
Colossians 4:17 See to it that you complete the ministry you have received in the Lord.
2 Corinthians 4:18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 13:5 Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves.Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?
