When I started to have some anxiously driven conversations in the last couple of weeks of the World Race, the popular (and highly recurring) topic of discussion was “What do you feel like God taught you most these past 11 months?”. Some of us were very descriptive, others were hard pressed to find a concise answer and others were able to sum things up very briefly. As for me, the “hit or miss in the verbal description department” girl, my mind works on a slightly different plane.
I began to think of what my brain was like the first month. My heart remembered the journey it was taken through in each and every challenging moment. The experiences flashed through my mind and my spirit began to feel like it was floating through a dream. I couldn’t really remember specific slaps in the face but really feeling a lot of strong convictions to become Christ-like. Events and different spiritual states of being swirled through me, almost like a speedy cartoon dream tunnel that somehow is completely irrational and sensible at the same time. I shook my brain, searching heavily for what could possibly be the answer to the question, and then it hit me- selfishness.
Up until the very last month in India, I had a certain level of hesitation when it came to building relationships with just about anyone. There were the few exceptions here and there but I mostly kept myself at a certain place where self preservation was key. I didn’t want to be too emotionally vulnerable or in a place that I could really be out of control. Nothing really seemed worth putting myself too far out there until Jesus used a friend to tell me “Stop thinking about yourself”, and the biggest lesson took off from there.
It took one sentence to give me the hardest smack in the face I had received in my life to date, that I was too concerned with my own well being to risk it all for His Name. I had spent so much time wondering how the rest of the world would effect me that I almost forgot to care about anyone before myself. I wanted to have a heart like Christ, but I was living with a heart like every other human being. I cared too much about what might happen to me and as a result, I never knew what it meant to truly love anyone until that moment of realization.
After trying to sum that up with some fancy S.A.T. style words, I wanted to make sure and be honest with all of you. I understand now what it means to put everyone else before you and not worry about taking care of yourself. I know what it means to completely rely on faith for everything and give credit where credit is ALWAYS due. Each blog I wrote and every lesson you walked through with me really was something I needed to write just as much as I wanted to pass the message on to all of you. Everything God taught me was steps to get to the point I am in now and things I will use to project me into the future He has for me.
I want to challenge you to sit back and ask yourself :with you as the forefront of your thoughts, do you have room for anyone else to come first?
