As I hear the all too loud grumbles and mumbles of hunger in my soul, it's hard not to see just how much I was missing out on with a 'mildly satisfactory' kind of appetite. This hunger has turned to an irresistible longing for intimacy and an all too real level of 'Holy dissatisfaction' with how little I really know about Christ. To actually walk into more of asking, seeking and knocking is somehow simultaneously nerve-wrecking, peaceful and extremely awkward. It kind of makes me feel like I'm wearing freakishly gigantic clogs (picture the footwear of a strapping Paul Bunyan or a 2-story Dutch female stereotype) and I am given the most delicious sandwich with every possible delicious thing between its buns (let's call it a Holiness Hoagie or Salvation Sub). I really want to move forward but I am completely blind to how much He has done and continues to do if I choose to live in disbelief of His heart. He has literally handed me (Heavenly Ham) everything I need to proceed and I am totally immobilized in weakness (giant clogs) without recognizing the strength of the Cross (Condemnation free Cheddar) and the power of the Gospel (Righteousness Rye) in my hands. I can't grow (or step) into anything new in the heart of Christ without tasting more and more of His truth by asking, seeking and knocking (and recognizing that His Provision Provolone is more than enough for me).
Knowing that all of His truth is all that I want and His Gospel promises that all things will come to light, my insides are lit up brighter than an infinite number of Christmas light carnivals. To let the Gospel become real, it has to become illuminated by the light of Christ and Christ alone. Each scripture I read resonates in my Spirit and turns the light on every indiscretion that has held me back. Things I have always hesitated on or been afraid of admitting are becoming flits of blameless shamelessness that flitter away with the wind. My heart is in more of a place of light-filled honesty and vulnerability than I ever really thought was possible. The hope within my bones is being renewed daily and I am ablaze with the strength of His all consuming fire. My sins and transgressions died with Him on the Cross, burning into ashes that cannot fret at my Spirit any longer. It literally feels like every fault to which I held so close was burned by truth and turned into nothing but forgotten before Him. Holy guacamole, it feels beyond good to be free!
Telling you that, however, leaves me to recognize a place in me that I have all too often toiled in worry over up until this point. I see (and have always known) that I have always gone out of my way to try and hold my future in my own hands.
