It’s been all about me recently.
But the kingdom of heaven isn’t about me, so why in the world have I been feeling so entitled?
Entitled to financial support from the people around me.
Entitled to attention.
Entitled to praise from people…
And it’s not ok.
When I agree with entitlement, I elevate my kingdom above His kingdom. I place myself on His throne and demand things from God and the people around me, as though it were my right. Entitlement takes gifts for granted and always demands more.
And it’s not a reflection of the Kingdom of Heaven or the heart of God.
Fundraising has really revealed the condition of my heart. I’m warning you now, it’s not pretty, and I’m asking for your forgiveness.
The World Race is my first time fundraising.
In the beginning, I sent out some support letters and many amazing friends and family responded with overwhelming generosity. For the first week I waited and waited, then one day I logged in and saw the first donation of $1,000! Overwhelmed I thanked God, and made a note to send a thank you to the donor. But then I didn’t. A few days later more donations started to come in… $100, $50, $500!!! College friends were supporting me more than I could have made in a week at my job and it blew my mind! And I was thankful, and amazed… but then something shifted.
I started to expect big donations. I felt like it was my right. After all, I was giving up a year of my life to go live out of a backpack… and I started to feel entitled. I’d see donations process and appear on my account, but I would wait weeks to respond. Thankfulness fell by the wayside. Then the donations stopped coming in, and I got frustrated… then angry… then bitter.
Why weren’t more people supporting me? I need to raise $7,500 by December! I need $16,285 total! I need more attention. More encouragement. More…
As the second deadline has loomed closer and closer and I started to feel the pressure.Thank you notes lay on the table as I asked more and more people for help while neglecting to thank the people who were the first responders to my need! Through all of this I didn’t even think about my team!
And this has gone on for months. And I am so sorry.
I’m sorry to all the people who have sown into my Race and waited weeks to receive any kind of response. Sorry that I have totally ignored my prayer support team who has offered to pray for my needs. Sorry to my World Race family who I am in this with together. I’ve been thinking about myself an awful lot lately. Please forgive me for not showing you all honor. Holy Spirit, I repent.
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my blog posts. It really means a lot to me!!
Thank you to everyone who has joined my prayer support team. You all mean the world to me and I cannot thank you enough for interceding on my behalf.
Thank you to everyone who has donated towards my trip. You are making it possible for me to pursue my dreams. I couldn’t do this without you!
Thank you to all my friends who have loved me well even when I’m acting unlovable.
Thank you to my Church family, for showing me the love of Jesus, Father God and Holy Spirit.
Thank you to my World Race family, for showing me that community isn’t so scary, and for believing in me even when I don’t believe in myself.
Thank you to my amazing mom, for everything; but above all for showing me what it looks like to trust the Lord with all of my heart and lean not on my own understanding.
Thank you to my amazing dad, also for everything; but especially for your wisdom and strength. You have taught me what adventure looks like. Thank you for never being afraid to try new things and to dream big.
And thank you God, for loving me when I’m such a mess. Thank you for calling me to a higher standard and giving me the great grace to help me reach it!
I love you all so much and I am so incredibly thankful for each and every one of you!
Have an amazing morning everyone. 🙂
Love,
Chelle
