The past few weeks have been crazy to say the least. Its down to the final
count down for launch!
8 DAYS LEFT, PEOPLE!
I’ve started to say my goodbyes, and it’s finally hitting me that I’m
about to leave.
Last week, I went to stay with my cousin for a few days, soaking up as
much time as I
could with her and her kiddos before I go on the Race. While I was there,
I got to play with all three of her adorable, cute, sassy, kindhearted
babies. I loved every second of it.
Although the cuddles and play time was fun, the thing I loved most about
my time there was when everyone would sit around the dinner table. One of
the kids would pray over our food. Every time Charissa asked “Who’s gonna
pray?” sweet little Gavin (he’s about four) would say, “ME, ME ME!”
When Gavin prayed, it was the same prayer EVERY TIME. He would start out by
saying, “Dear God, I love you God, and you love me too.”
At first, I thought nothing of it. (other than how freaking cute it was to
hear a little kid pour his heart out to the Lord).
After about three nights hearing that same prayer, God really spoke to me
and said, “See how much He trusts in me? Trust in me like that once
again, Beloved.”
I really began to ponder what I had heard.
This little kid, who’s only four years old, has so much faith. Granted,
he’s never yet had to walk through heartbreak, loss, or pain. BUT, he still full heartedly trusts that God loves Him.
I told God later that night when I went up to my room, “What if you let me
down when I count on you again?”
The reason I question God being there for me is purely from past hurt.
People have let me down, time and time again.
Because of this seemingly continuous cycle of disappointment in my life, I
began to assume and believe that God would do the same thing to me. When
God doesn’t answer my prayers about hard and personal things, I feel as if
my prayers aren’t meaningful to Him. BUT, if the Bible says that God hears all our prayers and catches all of our tears, why would He choose to not help me when I need it the most? It wouldn’t make any sense, unless it’s true that I don’t matter to God.
I have gotten into this pattern of thinking that I don’t need to ask God
for help because He doesn’t care to help me.
I’ve realized – through my approach to prayer – that the only time I pray
is when I need help with something. And If I don’t get my way, I go off and pout or be mad at Him.
But that isn’t how a relationship works. I can’t throw a temper tantrum
every time things don’t work out the way I want them to. I know that God
is kind, and loving, and trustworthy. It’s time that those beliefs make their way into my prayers.
I’ve learned, that in order to have a relationship with God, it’s not
always about asking Him to fix your circumstance. It’s about having enough
faith to trust him even when things don’t go the way you think they
should.
When I saw Gavin so full heartedly trusting in the fact that God loves him no matter
what, it reminded me that even though God doesn’t always answer our prayers, it
doesn’t mean He loves us any less. Sometimes the best answer to a prayer is no
answer at all. I would know. If God had answered my prayer about allowing me and a past boyfriend to get back together, I wouldn’t have signed up for the WorldRace. God not answering that prayer was his protection over my life.
Some days, does the pain of the breakup still hurt? Absolutely. However,
if I could go back in time and change anything, I wouldn’t. I know that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be, and have seen myself grow so much closer to the Lord through the heartache.
To whomever reads this, I want to encourage you to regain your childlike
faithfulness. Talk to God like he’s your best friend, he’s not a genie in a bottle. He actually wants to know whats going on in your life. Believe in what you pray, and trust that God loves you so much. Despite how He responds to your prayer, hold tightly to the truth that He loves you and doesn’t think less of you for what you are going through.
Love y’all, Chooch 🙂
