Childlike playfulness
For as long as I can remember my Family would tell me how I never acted my own age. I’ve always acted older than I actually was.
I took things way more serious than I should have, I didn’t play many kid games, and I hardly ever had friends. If I did they were at least 5years older than me.
I worry like a 45-year-old going through a midlife crisis, I still have a hard time making friends my own age because it’s rare to find a 19-year-old that values common sense more than giggles and boys.
(not saying they don’t exist… just hard to find)
I’m beginning to learn more about myself- because of my dyslexia and starting up my own business at such a young age I had to grow up a little faster. Work a little harder. Be a little stronger. And do a little better.
Dyslexia sucks.
You have to constantly over think… about everything. Overthinking when writing a paper for a class because you’re afraid the spelling or punctuation might be wrong. Afraid to speak your mind because your mind is so jumbled up that you might say the wrong thing when you’re trying to express the right thing.
I learned really quick that it’s better to be silent and thought of as a fool than to open my mouth and prove to all of my peers that I am one.
My work ethic; however, was never a problem. I would work twice as hard at anything I did to prove to myself and to others that if I set my mind to something I would achieve it.
I would allow the negativity and limits people spoke into my life as fuel for the fire within me. I so badly wanted to prove to all the people who spoke negativity and limits into my life that they were wrong.
I hated being told I’m capable of little.
Because of always working so hard at anything I did I forgot to be a kid and enjoy the little things.
I started my own Equine business at 18 years old. That in its self should stress anyone out. I learned how to be responsible… well I had to be.
My job requires me to think fast and to stay calm in life or death situations. I’m responsible for not only my own life but my client’s life. I’m required to have enough knowledge about a 1000 lbs animal, their mannerisms, and be able to teach my clients how to operate the animal who has their own mind.
Talk about stressful!
With a job like this it’s rare for me to joke around and have fun.
(No horse playing allowed, haha).
Yesterday, October 2,2018 I got to experience childlike playfulness.
For so long I’ve worked hard, used lots of commonsense, and A LOT of self-discipline, but yesterday was different. I laughed, played, joked around and truly felt like I could act my own age.
My team and I were working at Pan de Vida (our ministry) like any other day. We clean the house, organize the building, clear out storage, clothe and feed the homeless.
Me and three other girls had the job of cleaning all the windows (inside and out). Never in my life have I sprayed a window down with a water hose, washed it with a rag and laundry detergent, sprayed it down again and squeegeed all the water off.
While I was spraying the window down for the first time, a friend of mine was on the inside cleaning the same window. When I sprayed the window, I wasn’t thinking anything of it, however when my friend looked up she freaked out because she thought the water was going to spray her. For some reason that made me laugh uncontrollably.
I hadn’t laughed like that in a long time.
Next thing I know all four of us girls are laughing and making silly faces at each other through the window. Struggling to squeegee all the water off and teasing each other while we did it.
Recently I’ve been praying and asking God to give me back childlike faithfulness. Maybe, in order for Him to give me back my childlike faithfulness He’s going to restore my childlike playfulness.
In being playful and finding joy in the little things I believe God can use that to restore my faith.
Sometimes we need to step back from being serious and take a moment to enjoy where we’re at instead of trying to manage everything.
When we’re so focused on what we need to do, where we need to be, and how we need to get there we lose our childlike faith.
Have you ever seen a child worry about time? Responsibilities? Stress?
No of course not.
Children never worry about those things because they are too busy being kids. They don’t have to worry about the big stuff because they know that their parents will take care of it/them.
I believe God wants us to look to Him in the same way. He wants us to fully live life freely and give all of our worries, stress, and responsibilities to Him.
Perhaps in order to have childlike faithfulness you have to have childlike playfulness.
If y’all could continue to be in prayer with me I would really appreciate it.
- Pray that God begins to restore my heart and childlike playfulness & childlike faithfulness
- Pray that God isn’t silent with me.
- Pray that I begin to let go of all the things I can’t control.
- Pray for peace.
- Pray for my hope to be restored.
- Pray that I will no longer be fearful of love and kindness.
~Chooch.
