Monday, January 28th, 2019.
I had been needing to cry for about a week.
Why?
To be honest I’m not really sure why; however, I did have this strong feeling that God was about to tell me something hard, or ask me to do something difficult.
I’ve always been a fan of Mondays. When I was in high school Monday nights were my favorite because it meant I got to go to YoungLife! However, since being on the race I look even more forward to Mondays… On Mondays, we have all squad worship, which is wonderful… but on January 28thI felt that I should be alone so that I could make myself available for God to speak into why I felt the need to cry.
Mind you I’m not a fan of crying so it was a stretch for me to allow myself to let the tears roll down my face while feeling this odd emotion that I still can’t quite explain.
Before I locked myself away in my cave that I created out of two blankets. One being attached at the foot of my bed, hanging from my bunkmate’s mattress, and the other tucked in on the side of my bed, which created this perfect black cave. (If you haven’t figured out yet I am a huge introvert)
I sought out wise counsel. I asked my Squad leader Aly if I was allowed to spend the night in prayer. She answered with “I told you, you look like you’ve been needing a good cry. Take the time to feel what’s going on”. So that’s what I did.
I put on sweatpants, a comfy t-shirt, and climbed into my cave. I opened my Bible to Isaiah and selected a random verse to read through, and to be completely honest I have no clue what I read because as soon as I opened my Bible the Lord started to speak to me.
God- 10 days.
Me- 10 days? 10 days of what?
God- Fast.
Me- I don’t fast… I’m not a ‘faster’. I’ve never fasted. What do I fast from? I have no service on my phone and I’m not surrounded by people who distract me from You… God don’t ask me to fast from food.
God- But that’s where you find your comfort. I am your comforter.
I began to question what I had just heard, and as soon as I started discounting what God had just asked me to do He gave me a vision showing me my stubbornness.
Vision
I’m in this dry dessert.
It’s the kind of dessert where there isn’t any sand. The only thing for miles is cracked dry ground and this one tree to the left of me. The tree is so dried out that it looks like if you were to breathe near it, it would crumble into a pile of dust.
I’m walking and walking seeing nothing new, and it seems like I’ve been on this journey for a while. Finally, to my right I see this really tiny dip into the ground. I walk down this small hill to find a flowing river. The water isn’t rushing though. It’s a smooth calm, yet flowing river. I get down on my knees, and for some reason I have this bowl with me. As I’m on my knees I lower the bowl down into the river so that I can drink the water, but by the time I bring the bowl up to my mouth the water has drained out of the bottom because there’s a hole in it. So, I try to scoop the water faster and faster thinking that will help me get the water to my lips, but it doesn’t. After getting frustrated God gave me a vison. Yes, it’s confusing and weird. God gave me a vision inside a vision. Anyways, in the vision God said to me “Beloved cup your hands together so that you can drink the water”. Then He shows me doing it and being happy that I finally got to drink the water. After the vision was over I remember shaking my head and telling God no, and continued to try and drink from the bowl, but it never worked.
Then the vision was over.
As I sat in my cave, confused and full of tears I began to fear the 10 days that I was about to have to endure.
The next afternoon I sat down and talked with Aly and told her what God asked me to do. I told her that for the next 10 days I was only going to have water and coffee. She was surprised and asked if I have ever fasted before and I said no. She told me that since I have never fasted I should take it slow and have people be praying for me because fasting isn’t something someone can do on their own strength. After talking for a while we both agreed that since my ministry days were long and are very active I should at least eat one meal a day, and if I’m offered something to eat when I do house visits then I can eat it because it’s polite and won’t disrespect the host.
On January 30th,I began my fast. I ate breakfast that morning but nothing else.
If you didn’t already know this I get hangry really quick and really fast, so of course that first day was awful!
Day two I was doing okay. Sassy, but okay. I got to practice saying my thank you’s for what I did have which was eye opening.
Day three… day three was straight hell. My team and I were doing house visits. After going into two houses I was spiritually drained so I sat outside the third house to pray and clear my thoughts. As I was sitting on this dirt road next to this beat up old truck, this little 4-year-old came up to me without a word and handed me a Cheeto-puff. As I was drooling over this tiny Cheeto-puff God said to me
“Beloved this is my grace for you. Take it”.
And you better believe I took that Cheeto-puff.
Y’all have not experienced true love until God uses a grubby little 4-year-old to hand you a Cheeto-puff without saying a word. That’s love y’all.
Once I got home I went into my cave and prayed. I asked God to give me strength to continue to do what He asked me to do. Not long into prayer God said, “My way isn’t your way”.
Then it hit me. God didn’t tell me to give up all my meals, He simply said fast and give up where I find my comfort. I talked to Aly and told her I would fast from sun up to sun down. I would have to get up early which would be me giving up extra time for sleep, I would still be giving up one meal (lunch) and I would have to wait an extra hour for dinner. Aly later informed me that the kind of fasting I was doing is only allowed for 3 days because of WorldRace rules. So, all in all it was good that I took the time to pray and find something more sustainable for the WorldRace lifestyle.
The last 7 days were not easy but well worth it. Before fasting I never thought of deserving grace or not deserving grace. If I’m being honest I never even thought about the word grace or what it represents, but now I’m thankful for it.
I’m thankful that God looked down at us knowing that we didn’t deserve His son but He gave us Him (GRACE)anyways.
-Chooch
