Wrestling with Road Anxiety

Being on the road these past few weeks has really made me see what's important. There's the obvious: because I was going to be on the road for a long time, I had to be real careful what I put in my pack, how I would make the little money in my pocket last, and how I would keep off the burgers I would be consuming.

But when I get real with myself, part of me really likes the road. Mainly because there's a sense that you really don't have to be anything other than yourself. When you're alone, if you want to rock out to Bobby McFerrin or old 90s rock, you can blast your speakers until your heart's content. If you are traveling with your roadies, it isn't long before you drop your gimmicks that you think makes you look cool. There's only so much I can hide before I realize that the person next to me has bad breath, has annoying quirks, and is insecure… just like I do somedays. Combined that sense of unity with the hope that awaits you at your destination, sometimes I get downright gitty when anyone even MENTIONS roadtrips.

Then you drive for four hours. The novelty wears off. The scenery gets mundane. You realize, in horror, what that song you just put in the player really means…  If I am not careful, my mind wants to turn back. I'll turn into a familiar looking gas station and run to the parts that I have seen, not because "I think I need to be there", "God still wants to teach me something", or some other untrue thing I tell myself. Most of the time, when I am in transition, it's straight up fear. I'll take whatever is behind door number 2, thank you, because I opened up that door once and it was horrible, but at least I know what's behind it.

One of the biggest lies I've had to combat on the Race has been that God doesn't have good things for me. 

Lord, let every one of my days be a resounding  YES for Your namesake!