“Live in wonder rather than doubt.”–Anne Lamott
Sorry for the long berth in blog entries. Currently I am in the middle of Cambodia, in a village I can’t pronounce, with very little internet access. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for your continued prayers and support as I round out this last part of my journey.
I used to scoff at the idea of spiritual attacks. Mainly because when things go wrong when they should go right in the “churchy” world (I include myself in this group), it’s very convenient to blame it on demonic forces. Then, of course, we can find some sort of Shaman pastor or ritual to rid of of this spiritual ill (and if you get it from certain sources, it might cost $9.99 + S&H). We are staying on a YWAM compound that is situated in between four buddhist temples. This is no way a jab to my brothers and sisters who follow the buddhist faith. But, if I am going to live in transparency (the key to living with people), I would ask you to read this with an open mind.
At the beginning of our journey, they handed us a cultural sheet with the brief history of Cambodia. Not to bore you, but Cambodia’s history is riddled with genocide, conquest, and general hate actions. The Cambodian people who have lived through this still live with a vibrant culture and have welcomed us very warmly.
The sheet also warned us of “spiritual attacks”. I rolled my eyes a little, said “Jesus is sufficient”, and moved on.
The first week, almost everyone missed teaching English to the kids for one reason or another. The first few days, I laughed it off and chalked it up to traveling bugs. However, when things didn’t get better, I began to take notice.
After a few days of teaching English for an hour, I’d ask for questions. Twelve blank stares greeted me back. I said, “Raise your hands if you have questions.” Twelve hands raised in the air. Just as I was about to answer questions, my translator said, “They don’t all have questions. They are just raising their hands to save face.” I began thanking God for my college cross-cultural communications class that taught me what “saving face” means, followed by stifling curse words of frustration.
After the first week, I was not thrilled to teach next week. “There’s nothing going in!” I thought. Then, out of curiosity, I rechecked the orientation sheet. Under spiritual attacks was a bold heading:
1. APATHY.
I realize that it has been a long journey. I realize that I have been abroad for ten months and that would wear on anyone’s patience. But what if it is something deeper?
I’ve learned to combat this with something that still surprises me: community. I can’t just “not care” about people who are living next to me. I can’t “not care” about the kids who don’t know that Jesus loves them because no one has demonstrated it to them. I don’t have the luxury to be apathetic. When I don’t care, my witness and my teammates suffer.
So every morning, I ask God for strength. I ask God to help me choose joy. I ask God to do something with my witness today.
My favorite class is our evening grammar class. I’ve been teaching a group of teens and young adults parts of speech and how to “build sentences”. The only way I can make this entertaining is with prayer, the knowledge I gained from Donna Souder, and many cups of “3 in 1” coffee. I often run around excited like a maniac when people tell me all the parts of speech. (Which, for the record, isn’t much different from when I don’t have coffee). After class, a woman looking to be in her early twenties came up to me and said affectionately, “Teecha”.
“Yes?” I said with a smile, expecting a question.
“I’m sorry I missed last class. I promise I won’t miss anymore. I like your class. You teach real well. And I smile more in your class.”
Just when I begin to doubt if I am doing anything to change peoples’ mind about Jesus, I am left in the wonder of the Holy Spirit.
“When you are stripped of all of life’s luxuries, all you have is God, and the imperfect love of people.”-Lamott
