An Open Letter to the A-Squad and the JOYBOMBS
{In light of the contents of this letter, I’d like to begin by saying:
Recently, I asked several of my friends, former roommates, and family members to come up with tips for doing life with me. Mostly because I thought it might be funny. I solicited responses from people who have lived with me before to tell people what it’s like to live with me. I asked that who I’ve traveled with to describe what it is like to travel with me. I asked people who have known me a long time, who have loved me for a long time, who have spent a lot of time with me, what they would need to know in order to spend a lot of time with me.
My thoughts and random comments are in italics.
I’m sure that the responses mean a lot more to me than they do to everyone else, and I know this post is going to be really long.
So if you want the short version, here it is:
1. I’m sarcastic.
2. I’m stubborn.
3. I’m opinionated.
4. I will probably throw food at you at some point.
5. I’m blunt.
6. I like to make everything fun.
7. I have little sisters, and they know me really well.
8. I have amazing friends.
9. My mouth moves faster than my brain.
10. And just in case you miss it, I’m sarcastic.
“I learned in college that if you want to stay friends with someone, don’t live with them…you will most likely not be their friend after a few months.
However, Charmagne is the exception. She will do what she can not to cause problems with you. And when problems do arise she deals with them calmly, politely, and is very respectful. Even when most people would get very upset and raise their voice (like me) Charmagne remains calm.
In the couple of years I lived with Charmagne I can’t think of a time when a conflict originated with her. (That may be different if you ask her sisters.) But Charmagne really is a great person to live with and a great friend!
I miss our Bones and Taco Tierra nights. Also, if you want the ending of a tv murder/crime drama to be a surprise, don’t watch it with Charmagne. She always knows who did it well before anyone else even has a clue.”
-Kelsey {a.k.a. Dr. Zubey, great roommate for 2 years, fellow lover of Nacho Papas}
“I have known and lived with Charmagne since I was born because we are sisters.
She’s impulsive, sarcastic, and loving.
Every day with Charmagne turns out to be an adventure. She has a very sarcastic sense of humor and it took me awhile to get used to it; actually I’m still working on it.
One thing that I will always remember about Charmagne is that when she would come home from college she would always just want to be with me. I’m pretty sure most of the time she did it to annoy me (and let me tell you it worked). {Cuddle time!}
She is always there when I have stupid questions. She may make a remark about it, but she always tries to answer it.
One thing I love about Charmagne is her stories whether true or made up. When Heidi was at school we would make up stupid stories and write them on her Facebook wall. Fertile the Turtle is still my favorite. {Me too.}
Charmagne and I have one other thing in common. We really don’t like Walmart. I had worked there for about a year when Charmagne started working there. She came home and started telling me about it and I understood. Sometimes, I would have to repeat to her the very wise words she once told me:
‘Some people just aren’t as smart as us. The sooner you learn that the better off you will be.’
I wouldn’t want her to be anyone else’s sister. We fight, but that is what sisters are supposed to do.
Oh yeah…’Charmagne will make you want to plug your ears with pigs’ feet.'”
-Jenna {youngest sister, breathing-enthusiast}
“I have known Charmagne since 1991 because she’s my big sister and that is the year I was born.
Living with/describing Charmagne: I’m two and a half years younger than Charmagne; I have lived with Charmagne my entire life. We’ve shared a room on and off for 20 years, even a bed for some of that time. We haven’t always gotten along, but who gets along with everyone all the time? {Not me.}
I don’t have any specific stories about living with Charmagne that would let you know what it’s like to live with her, so I’ll go with some of my favorite and not so favorite things about living with her.
Charmagne always has a story, usually humorous but not always. {That last part is a lie. Always.} She listens to me rant when I’m upset, and she isn’t afraid to tell me that I’m overreacting or being ridiculous.
She’s honest, even when I wish she wasn’t. She understands that we have different personalities (as opposite as possible actually) and doesn’t try to force me to be any different than I am.
Charmagne likes books, movies, games, and songs that make her think. Charmagne challenges me when I need to be challenged and pushes me when I need to be pushed.
She can be very sarcastic but she isn’t trying to hurt anyone; it’s just how my family talks to one another. She isn’t gushy with feelings or anything like that but she’s probably the most genuine person I’ve ever met.
She gives wonderful advice and some not so great advice. {Also, not true. It’s always good.}
When we wouldn’t see each other for weeks or months at a time, she would send me ridiculous stories that she and our little sister made up or a close up picture of her eye (it’s more thoughtful than it sounds). {How does that not sound just as thoughtful as it is?}
She is a big picture, big idea kind of person. She likes to throw out ideas that can seem silly, but usually if someone else will go with her, she’ll follow through with whatever adventure the idea sets her on.
Traveling with Charmagne: I have been on too many trips to count with Charmagne. Traveling with Charmagne can be as entertaining or as frustrating as you make it.
She wants to see everything, but she wants to take her time to really see and enjoy wherever she is.
My most prominent memories of traveling with Charmagne are from a trip we took to the east coast to see a mutual friend. When traveling, Charmagne makes what should be the boring part of the day interesting.
We spent what could have been an uneventful, rush-from-place-to-place trip posing Gnoah the Gnome and his fat little bear around each city we went to because she thought it would make a great children’s book.
We posed ourselves like statues that we saw because why would we want a picture of us just standing with our arms around each other next to the statue. {That’s a legitimate rule.}
She turns the radio up loud and sings off key because it’s freeing, or fun, or something like that.
If you like sarcasm, honesty, stories, adventure, and Needtobreathe you’ll like living with/traveling with/hanging out with Charmagne. {Rarely has a truer statement has ever been written.}
I don’t have specific memories that would sufficiently describe our relationship. Situations and moments keep coming to mind, but they wouldn’t mean anything to a stranger. We haven’t always gotten along; there were times when I know either of us would have been glad to be rid of the other for a while.
Despite differing opinions and personalities, if I had to choose 6-7 girls to spend the next eleven months living and travelling around the world with, Charmagne would be my number one pick. Unless we had to go somewhere with snakes…She hates snakes.”
-Heidi {little sister, best friend, head idea rejector, understander of Charmagne}
“I have known Charmagne for several years but I don’t know exactly when the first “meeting” was. I grew up in church and youth group with her, and I always thought she was hilarious! Sarcasm definitely made us friends.
I have traveled with Charmagne on several mission trips. We have shared the back seat on several occasions including the awful van ride all night in Mexico. Needless to say, there was no room, luggage under our feet, luggage on our laps, and little air flow. “Quality van time” became a catchy saying to help us stay calm and ‘enjoy’ the rather awful circumstances. We both shared deep resentment for people riding in the front seat enjoying the cool air from the AC and yelling to the rest of the passengers, ‘Be like water kids; be like water.’ {QVT!}
I have only lived with Charmagne for a week at a time on mission trips. As expected, there is usually a lack of beds, lack of air (either hot or cold), lack of firmness in an air mattress, or some other type of annoyances. These weeks have bonded Charmagne and me for life. We have learned how to laugh in the moment and write poetry to reminisce at a later time:
“Tell me how I am supposed to sleep with no air, no air.” {My bed is just a sheet with no air…}
These weeks living with Charmagne are some of my fondest memories because we learned how to truly find joy in friendships and focus on the Lord even though the situations are difficult.
I would describe Charmagne as a strong woman who loves the Lord with her entire heart. Her heart is for the nations and for people to understand the love that Christ has for everyone.
She has a funny, care-free personality and is not afraid to speak her mind. One specific memory that comes to mind includes camping next to the dump station at West Boggs Park. Oh my what a funny night! And smelly! {Take the 15 minutes to look around.}
So if you like to have crazy adventures and cracking up the entire time, you will like hanging out with/traveling with Charmagne!”
-Carrie {friend, inspiration, fellow fun-haver}
“I am not exactly sure when I ‘met’ Charmagne exactly because we just always were… {I LOVE that. “We just always were…”}
I have traveled with Charmagne on numerous occasions. Once we went to Destin, FL, just the two of us for a week. On that trip we were spontaneous and lazy at the same time. I mean, with all our jumping into fountains and such. {Even though there’s no photographic proof that I did that.}
However, I would like to let it be known that she isn’t very good with a GPS. She is capable of ignoring them; not on purpose, it just sort of happens sometimes.
My advice for spending large quantities of time with Charmagne is to learn her humor. It is very dry and sometimes sarcastic…”
-Sondra {best friend, most trusted confidant}
“I first met Charmagne when she was born and I thought she was the cutest baby ever with her blonde curly hair and her big blue eyes. Of course this means I am much older than her, and I am also her cousin so I have known her…for a long time. Over the past 10 years, we have become pretty close and [she has] been like a second mom to my kids…
We have gone on several trips together, and not only did [she] keep me entertained, but also the boys…Plus [she has] good music on [her] iPod. And if anyone can spend 14 hours in the car with my kids, then I think they are well prepared to handle anything…[She has] so many wonderful things to offer to this world… I’m really gonna miss [her] and I know the boys will too…especially Jayden. {Oh. My.}
My most memorable trips would probably be all the ones that were closer to home…aka all the road trips to basketball games: Fort Wayne, Indy, and just about everywhere south of there. …And who is gonna sit at games with me and laugh at people? DOUBLE TEAM!” {That makes me sound horrible, but I’m OK with it.}
-Talisa {cousin, like-a-sister, friend}
“[Charmagne is] a straight-shooter. I also remember being a bit intimidated by how big of a personality she had and how she didn’t seem to be bothered by anything or anyone.
My most favorite memory from these times was when we were singing ‘Two Pina Colodas’ at the top of our lungs and acting like complete fools. {Unarguably one of my favorites, too.}
Charmagne is an exceptional person. She is so unbelievably funny! I have never in my life met someone who can make me laugh like she does. I have repeatedly said her and her family need a reality show because they are hilarious. She is incredibly sarcastic, in the best way, and I get such a kick out of her antics. Charmagne is a very down to earth person and isn’t afraid to kind of tell it like it is, a quality I admire. And lastly, she is just Charmagne. That is about the best way to describe her.
Something that stands out to me above all about Charmagne is she didn’t outwardly or rudely judge me when I went through some difficult times in my life. She was very kind and welcoming through it all…”
-Nicole {friend, hot mama}
“I remember when we were in 3rd grade together. We wrote…that mean note, and then [a teacher] took us to the hallway and made us feel awful. [Charmagne] was crying, I think…{I was bawling. I talk a good game, but I’ve never been very good at getting in trouble.}
Then, of course, our crazy group of friends. We would hang out in the lunchroom before school and eat that sausage pizza. You molested that cookie and threw gummy bears…
We had that friendly rivalry thing going on in high school, too. We kind of pushed each other to be better. Sometimes, we would get aggravated with each other, but we were always friends in the end.
Then, of course, the time I took [her] to the hospital because of [her] appendix…”
-Jessica {lifelong friend}
{I’m pretty proud of this transition.}
“I met Charmagne my freshman year of college. We were lottery roommates, and somehow –I’m not really sure how it happened—we became friends.
This is surprising because Charmagne almost died freshman year. (Seriously. She did.) And it was mostly my fault. {It wasn’t at all her fault. I’m stubborn and the opposite of a hypochondriac. We were kids. Plus, my mom told me to lie down.}
Because I helped jeopardize Charmagne’s life makes it even more surprising that we roommates again Sophomore year. That must mean something about Charmagne, but I’ll leave it for you to decide what it could possibly be.
Here’s how it happened –the part where Charmagne almost died: I remember Charmagne saying she didn’t feel well. –That was the first sign, but it wasn’t as obvious yet. People get sick. All the time, right? I remember going to class and coming back that night and Charmagne still didn’t feel well. In fact, she was worse. A lot worse.
Did I ask if she wanted to go somewhere to get looked at? Did I suggest we go and see a nurse at the health center? God, I hope so. But exactly what was said and what was decided are fogged in my memory. I think I remember us talking about how the health center was closed for the night and wouldn’t be open until the next day, and I think something was vaguely decided about her postponing a medical visit until it was open.
Here’s the part where I regret things: If I had known Charmagne better, If I had understood her capacities and capabilities better, I would have understood that she is remarkably, singularly “tough.” What I’m saying is that her will, her capacity to endure under extreme duress –both physical and probably emotional, are very, very….different. Strong. Unique. She is NOT a cry-baby. She is the exact opposite of a cry-baby times ten. She is hardest on herself, and the least likely to give herself a break.
And if I had known that…. If I could go back in time, this is what I would do: I would find someone with a car, and I would drive her to the hospital right away. There, the doctors would have said, “Duh, it’s her appendix, stupid,” and gotten her into surgery immediately to prevent the dang thing from bursting and causing what the internet repeatedly assures is a “potentially fatal condition.”
But that’s not what happened…. Instead, we went to bed. Well, I did, but Charmagne obviously didn’t, and the next day another friend drove Charmagne to the hospital, where she learned that her appendix had already ruptured and would require days and weeks of heavy antibiotic treatments to save her life.
Now you see why I still think about it? Now you see why I slap my forehead sometimes in the middle of the night when my mind wanders back to that time and why I thank God that Charmagne didn’t die on me? How would I have lived with that?! —So thanks Charmagne for that. I owe you one.
Poor Charmagne, she didn’t get the best roommate in me. But I did in her because she never blamed me. She never got angry that I was complete dolt. And she let me get to know her as a friend. {Thanks for not being a wacko. I mean, really, this could have turned out so much worse.}
I learned that Charmagne has great taste in movies, and that she appreciates Forrest Gump almost as much as I do. I learned that she is really smart and very level-headed but, unfortunately, has an inexplicable appreciation for country music—which I have only recently started considering may not actually be that bad…. Maybe.
She’s very honest. Blunt. Which is refreshing…but also a little… blunt. She is a lot deeper and thoughtful than she lets on at first, but when she has a conviction she is direct and confident, and you get the feeling that when Charmagne’s made up her mind, she’s “made up her mind,” and that’s that. She’s got a sarcastic sense of humor but is too smart and thoughtful to say anything that could ever be misconstrued into hurting people’s feelings. Instead, it’s just funny. {Jenna Slaubaugh is the head of a large club that might disagree with that.}
She’s also very creative, which I didn’t expect at first. It comes out in her ideas. She can take ordinary situations and shine a new light on them that makes them interesting –which is a real gift that you don’t get to run into very often. She doesn’t really talk directly about herself. It’s through her ideas and thoughts that you get to know her. At least that’s what I thought.
But I don’t think I remember Charmagne ever expressing her doubts and worries out loud, which is crazy to me because that’s mostly what I do all the time.
She also likes softball –or did at the time—which I have also never really understood. {Oh, I do.}
But despite those two little things, country music and softball, I couldn’t find much to complain about with Charmagne as a roommate. But that may be just because I am so gosh darn happy she’s still alive!”
-Stephanie {college roommate, great movie buddy, not a weirdo}
