I feel like I've used the word "excited" twenty thousand times in the past month.
This realization has led me to a few conclusions:
1. I need a Thesaurus.
2. It's easier to say I'm excited than to describe how I actually feel.
3. I should make a list of the things that I am actually excited about.
Therefore:
#1: I looked up some synonyms on synonyms.com, but they wanted me to answer some survey questions or share their site via social media in order to view some synonyms. I thought that was silly, so according to thesaurus.com:
delighted, eager, enthusiastic, nervous, passionate, thrilled, awakened, charged, moved, stirred, wired, aflame, etc.
Especially eager. Especially nervous.
#2: How do I actually feel? That's the thing. I am excited. I am delighted and eager and enthusiastic. And I certainly am nervous. It's easier for me to say that I'm excited than it is to say that I'm terrified. It's easier than saying I'm overwhelmed. It's easier than saying that I am feeling pretty crazy sometimes. Because I am feeling all those things. But I'm feeling them with this delighted, eager, enthusiastic, charged excitement. And that's what makes me dwell on that last one: pretty crazy.
I'm feeling like I'm blessed beyond belief, but also that I'm going to miss my family. And I'm going to miss my friends. And I'm going to miss my house. And I'm going to miss my bed. And my car. And my grass. I'm going to miss, for 11 months, all of the little things that happen in the lives of the people that I've been around for my whole life. I've never done that before.
#3: Seriously. I am excited.
I'm excited about life in general. I'm delighted by the possibilities of life. I'm delighted by the possbility of experiences.
I am excited about the opportunity to do something. I'm enthusiastic about movement, not necessarily physical movement, but just being moved and moving, about becoming more of a mover, more of a shaker in this world that seems to have gone still in all of the wrong ways.
I'm excited about people. I'm eager to meet new people and form community. I'm profoundly looking forward to doing life for a while with people who are excited about life and delighted by possibilities and the opportunity to do something and move.
I'm excited about travel. I am charged by the idea of seeing the world. I want to see the whole world. I want to meet people and see sights and experience culture.
I'm excited about giraffes. I know, that sounds silly, I am beyond thrilled by the possibility of living in the same region as a giraffe and the possibility of potentially befriending that giraffe. I think giraffes are neat-o.
Most of all, I'm excited about Love. As He tells us in 1 John, "God is Love." I want to be awakened by Love. I want to be aflame with Love. I want to be stirred by Love. I want to be wired with Love. I want to be that love.
