nostalgia. reflection. being sentimental. looking back.
i am unparalleled in the realm of these things. memories are important to me. looking back and finding value in things of the past bring me joy but can also lead me to immense heartbreak as i relive my struggles over and over again.
i find myself getting stuck. caught in webs of lies i used to believe. relationships i let drag on too long. i place value in these things of the past, putting myself in a spot of unworthiness and lowly thinking.
i reflect on vivid memories with people who were significant to me and find so much peace in the way things were and then the thoughts trail on to,
“if it was so good, why’d they leave?”
“why wasn’t i good enough for them?”
“how did things go so wrong?”
“why did god have to change things?”
but i’ve had to catch myself over the last couple of months to stop. to stop and rest and enjoy the moment in which god has placed me. because there are negative effects to looking back.
1. looking back reveals what your “treasures” are.
in genesis 19 the story of destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah is told. in the story that unfolds we see the lord send two angels to the cities and Lot offers them safety by inviting them to his own home. the next day when the destruction was planned to overtake the cities, the angels commanded Lot to leave with his family. but they were not to look back for it would lead to their consumption. lot’s wife, a character so minor in most contexts, who was never even named, becomes significant because of her disobedience and her act of looking back at the obliteration that had occurred. Lot’s wife’s treasures were buried in the city and she was not willing to put her trust in god. she looked back and was turned to a pillar of salt. living in the past will drain the life and abundance of life that god has planned for you.
2. it is dangerous to live desiring for what was.
we could desire and yearn for material things. for a person. for a comfortability and familiarity of a past experience or memory. being called into a place of discomfort is what leads us to boldness and strength to move forward in a way which glorifies god. if we are begging god to bring us back to a place where we didn’t hurt anymore, we lose the opportunity to grow. to learn. to prosper.
3. looking back never allows for healing to occur.
i know that i tend to look back at things that have happened in the past when I’m questioning where my future is going. and if im always looking back. I’m never healing from the things I’m constantly reflecting on. healing comes after we expose our weaknesses. god is trying to use your past to do things right now. to let the holy spirit work in your life in this very moment. and there is absolutely zero way you’ll catch it, you’ll get to experience it, or even find joy in it if you’re not right here in this moment. be expectant for god to show up. its what he does. and its awesome. and i know I’ve missed out on so much because I’m so worried. so utterly worried in all of the things that “went wrong”.
i’ve learned a lot about myself throughout this last year. growth and learning and mistakes have never been more abundant. but i’ve come to find out that i cannot give 100% if myself in the present if i keep dwelling on the past. because goals will become delayed, insecurities and fears will dominate my life, and it will blind me to the amazing works of god in the present moment and future.
looking back causes us to grumble and complain rather than be thankful. we become doubtful of god even though we all know that he is in the business of turning anything bad into everything stinking awesome.
and thats why this is so important for me to grasp. because god is not the god who was, but the god who is. he’s present and perfect and has so much goodness wrapped up in every single moment for every single one of us. hold on to the idea that what you ponder on becomes reality. whatever you fill your mind with affects your attitude and lifestyle. reflect on the blessings and amazing things god is doing in your life. rest. rest. rest. rest. the importance of rest and relaxation in the spirit of the lord is healing and restoring.
his creation. his presence. is astounding. no matter what city, country, or part of the world ill be in next year, his stillness and the beauty of his promises is constant.
thank you for reading and taking the time to just be so awesome to me by showing love and kindness and interest in all the amazing things god is doing in my life. i can’t wait to leave in september and just be even more in awe of the god i serve. i still have four full months left of fundraising in the states before i leave and then another four while I’m away. i would love if you would prayerfully consider donating to me and help me fundraise!!
signing off for now,
charlie <3
