some days. look dreary and gloomy. and sometimes these days turn into weeks. that has been me for the last couple of weeks.
but the lord has showed up in big lessons and I have been searching for the words to share all these crazy things in a way both beneficial and overall just for people to understand the places where my heart has been.
lesson number 1:
when people are unlovely. love them.
jesus did it, he called his disciples to reflect the values of the king, to further the kingdom. and it starts with loving his people. i’ll be the first to admit that I am not always the loveliest person to be around, and it’s the people like my parents, and my best friend, or my youth group who show me unconditional love. but it is also the girl at the coffee shop who sees my furrowed brows and the stress written across my face and asks me, genuinely, about how my day was. they are showing me god’s love. reminding me that there is light in the world.
my pastor once said in a sermon, “god did not wash the feet of the disciples feet because they were good people. he washed them because they were dirty. and they needed it- and that was enough.”
lesson number 2:
your reason determines your reward.
we are taught that when we get to heaven, it will be the greatest reward. and let’s face it. we, as humans, love rewards. but here’s the catch.
why do we do what we do?
are we nice to that person to gain something in return? do we post certain pictures just to get a specific amount of likes? do I act a certain way to get someone’s attention? did I treat this world like my stage?
if you do things, say words, perform actions, agree with someone, do something to fit in, you will receive a reward almost immediately. and it’ll be nice for a moment or two. but jesus, the most precious reward, is so much better than anything earthly that we could be offered. instead, let us be sincere before the lord, doing things in quiet. the unseen. for those are the things that will allow us the most amazing and eternal rewards from heaven.
lesson number 3: (biggest personal lesson)
grief looks different for everyone, there is no formula for it.
that’s it. that’s the lesson of the year for me. I heard in a podcast the other day “2018 was everything I ever wanted, and less.” how bizarre but so full of truth.
I experienced love and friendship like no other, but with it came some heartbreak and real moments of genuine growth. god put world race on my heart which was the most amazing realization for me to have, but it’s brought challenges of fear and insecurity I’ve never felt before.
but with all these things to “grieve”, I began to compare my healing and restoration to others, wondering why I wasn’t as okay as them yet. and it is just jesus taking his time with me. pressing in deep, authenticating my faith. pushing me to lean in to him harder and more persistently than ever before, and for all of it I am thankful. so my process of healing won’t look like his, or hers, or even yours. and that’s okay.
a couple days ago, I took two pictures.
morning and evening, not knowing that it was gonna hold such a significant meaning for me. that morning was rough, preparing for finals, I was angry at people, I had snapped at my mom more than once, and the sky reflected how I was feeling. lost. and upset with god. missing the beauty I knew he had for me. so I prayed. all day.
prayed for peace and for the skies to just clear. lord, just let me bask in your light. just let me feel your warmth.
and on my way home. the skies opened up and the sun was shining. brilliant tones of orange and yellow and reds. it was his wink at me, “I got you girl”.
he’s got you, too.
I hope this words brought some truth and life into your day. thank you for reading my thoughts and all the things god is teaching me. if you’re interested in donating i’d love for you to be a part of this journey. I am also selling t shirts as a fundraiser and it would be stinking cool to see you rocking them.
singing off for now,
charlie<3
sunset.
