Background:
My name is Charles Payne and I am a former army engineer officer and West Point graduate. I served in the U.S. Army for 5 years, during which time I deployed to Camp Leatherneck, Afghanistan, and I recently completed the World Race April Expedition. Next, I will be going to Mozambique to serve with 300 people from 30 different nations. My long-term vision is to create a transition service for veterans to give them adventure, volunteer opportunities, and coaching to achieve their future aspirations. If you would like to learn more, please click here.
It is finished.
11 months, stamps from 15 different countries in my passport, and, now, a month of rest at home with my family in Tennessee. It’s been a unique combination of lonely, restful, and enjoyable. An almost forlorn feeling creeps upon me at times, especially when the dogs are not around. Our eager dogs always have a way of making me feel appreciated, especially Lacey who thinks she’s a lap-dog.
Overall I am content and excited for the next adventure.
Lacey and me
I was asked to answer some questions for future racers, so I’m going to do a classic question and answer format. I hope you this gives you a bit more insight into the spiritual journey that is the World Race.
Q: What did the Lord teach you in the process of abandonment, brokenness, and dependence?
CP: The Lord taught me that the reason I struggled to admit my brokenness was because I had a wrong perception of what God is really like.
Q: Where did you struggle the most in that journey with these three steps?
CP: The hardest of these 3-steps was brokenness.
First, I was afraid to trust God because I did not believe in unconditional love. I had entrusted my emotions to others in the past and the only things I had to show for it was rejection and pain.
Second, because I was conditioned to achieve for validation and promotion, especially in the military, I saw God as a moral score keeper and spiritual rewarder of good works.
Q: How have you changed?
CP: Now, I fully trust and depend on the fact that nothing I do or fail to do will make God love me more or make God love me less. God is not like man. He doesn’t lie. He is an unconditional fountain of life and love, and nothing can separate me from that (Romans 8:31-39).
Q: How have you stayed the same?
CP: I still believe that we need to do that good works God planned in advance for us to do. I still believe that each day we must be hungry for a deeper love-connection to God and intentionally seek him. However, this looks different for me now. Now, I prayerfully contemplate His love and goodness and act from a grateful heart that’s been transformed by love, not from knowledge or because the Bible says so.
Q: Regarding your community, what was the most challenging part about feedback, vulnerability, and constant companionship?
CP: The hardest thing was feeling like people had very little grace for my background in the army and zero desire to know about my life before the race. I particularly remember one night when my squad mate Bethany asked me about West Point and it was really impactful. Her example showed me the important of making a deliberate effort to ask people about life and their up-bringing before the race.
Q: What did you learn about yourself through your community?
CP: I learned that I can be really judgmental toward myself and others. I began to realize through my community how unhealthy that judgment was. Even remembering my past, I often looked back on myself with very negative sentiments. In order to grow, I had to learn to be kind to myself, even in my mistakes.
Q: What did you learn about others through community?
CP: Not everyone wants or needs to connect to God in the same way. Furthermore, God gives everyone different aspirations, work-styles, and perspectives. Just like God’s diversity in creation (which was good and all came through Christ – Colossians 1:15-20), I learned from my community and the people we served how to appreciate the diversity around the world and see the good that God sees.
Q: What did you learn about God through community?
CP: God thrives in an environment of love, joy, laughter, fully bellies, and full hearts. I think this is why Jesus always ate with many people (Thanks Thomas!). One of my favorite months on the race was living together in an apartment in Turkey with no internet. We would have dinner together then stay up late just laughing and joking around. It was so much fun and I really appreciated my team.
Q: What did God show you about the nations?
CP: I’m honestly not sure . . . I just know that God loves all nations. Even the countries like India that were challenging had moments of surreal beauty – the mountains of Sikkim, India, are absolutely incredible.
Q10: Where did your heart break the most? Why?
CP: My heart broke the most in Thailand. When I saw one of the women we were talking to leave with a young man for the rest of the evening, who paid for her. Once I realized she was somewhere having sex with him and doing things to pleasure him for a price, I lost it. My focus and energy to minister for the rest of the night were gone. . .
Q: How is he inviting you to do missions as you come home?
CP: I believe that Jesus was a profound statement of the end of the divide between sacred and secular – they will call him Immanuel, God with us. At home, and everywhere I go, God is inviting me to see His nature and gentle hand in the world around me, and to be fascinated by what He is doing and saying moment by moment. It’s the invitation of now to mirror Him and carry this contagious, beautiful worldview to the people that God brings into my life each day. This is the “missional” or purpose-filled heart that God calls us to carry.
This was a long one, but I hope you found something to keep from it! My next step is Harvest School in Mozambique and working to establish a veteran’s transition program. If you are interested in learning how you can pray for me or help, please click here.
May God’s face shine upon you.
– Charles
