I apologize for the length of this blog, but I had to post it so you know everything I have been going through…these past 2 weeks have been difficult, and as I have been able to share with some of you, the rheumatoid arthritis in my body has flared up to the point where all of my joints (feet, ankles, knees, fingers, wrists, elbows, shoulders, etc. have been swollen and painful. It has kept me up at night and made me limp walking. Although I’ve been praying and trying to hold on, I got to the point that I was preparing my heart and mind to go home. It was in this posture that I wrote the following blog which I titled “going home”.
HOWEVER, after some encouragement from my team to try every option before making a decision to go home, I went to a doctor here in South Africa to see if there is anything else that could be done beyond the medications I already take. I am excited to tell you that after seeing the doctor, being prescribed some additional medications, getting the go-ahead from my rheumatologist in the States to take those medications, and starting them, I slept through the night last night without pain for the first time in 2 weeks and I woke up feeling much less stiffness and pain!!! I cannot tell you how excited I am about this ray of hope that I may be able to continue on the Race! Praise God for how he is answering my (and your) prayers. Thanks for going to battle with me….So, here is the blog I was going to send you…but now I share it only to include you on the journey I’ve been on. My prayer is that the next blog will be something about what God is doing through future weeks and months of ministry around the world!
“Going home early from the World Race is not what I planned or wanted, but as I had quiet time with God on Thanksgiving, he brought me peace and helped me come to a place where it is “bitter sweet”, not just bitter. In my journaling and processing I made a list of all the reasons why going home is “sweet” and became so thankful at that time because I realized that whether I continue on the Race or go home early, I am blessed. I have such wonderful things at home to look forward to stepping back into…my family and friends whom I love and miss, my ministry communities, and those little things that make me happy like sitting in a coffee house with a book, hiking (once Enbrel is back and working for my joints), and great conversation over a great meal.
I remember at certain points as I was preparing to leave for the Race three months ago, it was difficult because there was so much at home that I enjoyed and didn’t want to leave behind…and now I get to re-embrace those things. I don’t understand why God is not stepping in to allow me to continue on this journey after bringing me this far, but I do trust that there is a reason and purpose for it all even though I can’t see it yet. He is God and I am not. This life is not about me…if you remember, that’s the posture under which I began this journey…I am humbled remembering that this World Race journey is not about me…I get the gift of growing from it and seeing and experiencing great new things, but ultimately, the purpose is for God to be glorified and if somehow he is more glorified through my life by my going home early than by finishing these next eight months on the Race, then that is okay. For God, I am not going home “early”, it was his timetable all along…so I should not see it as “early” either. I got to go on a unique three-month journey with God that not everyone gets to experience, and I am thankful.
To my supporters, I am sorry that I cannot finish the Race and fully benefit from the gifts you gave to me to make this year possible, but know that I am so grateful. One way that this experience has changed me is by challenging me to be as generous with my finances, time, energy, resources, prayer-life, etc. as you all have been for me. The generosity that you have shown me not just this year, but last year as well for church internship has been amazing. You all are great examples to me and I’m grateful for what you are teaching me. “
With love and gratitude, Charlene
