Speak Lord, your servant is listening…this is the posture of my heart. Since my last blog I have had two encounters with my rheumatologist that put me back on the roller coaster of uncertainty and doubt about this adventure. I worked through the first potential obstacle presented, only to be hit with another this past Monday. I have cried, prayed and sought the counsel of people I love and respect a lot this week.
In one of his last sermons, my pastor, Clayton, painted a picture that is a great depiction of how I have felt these past few days. He was talking about when Jesus, being right in front of Peter, asked him to step out of the boat towards Him – and how sometimes we are asked to take a step of faith that feels something like that might have felt for Peter. But then he painted another picture…what if Jesus was across the world in Tahiti and sent a text message telling Peter to take a step. THAT would be a big "step"…and that is kind of what I feel like God is asking me to do right now…and to be honest, I've felt tired and scared these past two days and I don't know if I can do it. What does God's answer look like? feel like? sound like? We all wrestle with this at different times in our lives. I don't know the answer to that right now, but I do know that in the midst of my discouragment tonight…discouragment that not only involves my health for the race but has also infiltrated into doubts about support raising…I logged into my support raising account a few minutes ago to find a new $1, 200 of support from friends — and in that moment, I experienced God through others. Instead of discouragment I heard and felt, "Don't give up yet" and "This is bigger than you"…
…Speak Lord, your servant is listening…
I appreiciate your prayers so much. I so much want to go on this Race and experience God in new, life-changing ways. I want to be healed…pain and sickness were never God's plan for any of us. I want wisdom. This decision feels like such a heavy burden and I want more than anything to be able to walk forward in confidence…even if I'm being asked to take a step forward based on a "text from Tahiti". In all of this, what I do know is that regardless of how I feel or what I see, my God is right in front of me each step of the way.
