More and more I have realized my sin of comparison with others in all areas of my life. When I was in music school I was able to see it clearer because it was front on the surface of everything. It was easy to realize and take before the Lord. Because of this, it has helped me recognize the subtle signs within my heart when it pertains to something so simple as comparing other’s beauty with my lack of agreement with my own.
This poem comes from a time in my life where the Lord was saving me from the tendency to drink one more glass to push me over the edge of soberness. He saved me from comparison with others and still is. Father, thank you for Your kindness in my life. Thank you for Your Son whose blood speaks a better word.
Iv’e Been Drunk on Beauty
All around me I see
the curvy hips of sexy women
their precise eyeliner
vintage shoes and confidence
which is their greatest accessory.
In the mirror I see a scar
On my chin and the peach fuzz
above my upper lip.
I see the plump cheeks
Which make me
Look like a 14 year old.
Just one extra glass
To make me feel like them.
With my cares so gone
Like they are on
The other side of the planet.
Just another Horse Feather, please
Keep the same ice.
Like the men who see them
Will ever see me.
I know these women.
They are my comrades,
Yet, I somehow don’t measure
up in beauty.
The bottom of the glass
would be my source.
It would be my anchor if
I didn’t become
What I didn’t want
In the first place.
He didn’t even notice me
anyway. Splitting headache
And a heart in the
Deaths of my stomach.
I know better than this.
Not that I shouldn’t just
Have “One more cup,”
But that my beauty is
Found in The Source.
His eyes do not see
The measure of beauty
That man perceives.
His eyes see purely
Through stained glass
Windows of love and forgiveness.
His eyes see my broken offering
Of tears and the muffled
hummings of His goodness.
He is my source of beauty.
He is my source of redemption
As I am being saved from lies
As I am being saved from my
Agreement with my brokenness.
He doesn’t see me the way
I see myself.
I was drunk on beauty once.
That beauty didn’t sing of
Forgiveness, but of insecurities
That maybe I could fix in and
Of myself.
He is my beauty.
Jesus is my beautiful redemption.
