When we first arrived in Cajamarca, our team had a meeting with Pastor Helmer about what ministry for August. “You will share a testimony, sing a special song and preach the Word,” the pastor explained.
Public speaking and public singing!? No, thank you.
When our team got together later and planned about who will do what for the first few church services, I was silent. Surely the Lord wasn’t asking me to do any of these things. I didn’t feel any nudge from the Holy Spirit and so I stayed silent. “Do it and you’re cool!” Allison chanted. Wait, what? That doesn’t make sense! First of all, being cool isn’t on my bucket list. And second of all, when did ministry become about being cool? Later on, Allison clarified that it was a joke. Clearly, I didn’t think it was a joke because the comment struck a cord with me. But I have zero desire to be in the front. Paul’s letter to the Romans says “…Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us…” I know what my gifts are; I’m aware of my strengths and preaching the Word or singing aren’t one of them.
Mel Jo was supposed to preach at a Friday night service but became ill from spending a week in the mountains; it’s the coldest most of us have ever been! She stayed behind with Ashley who was also sick. So the question was posed, “who wants to preach tonight?” Lord knows why but I said I would. I didn’t want to preach. It is absolutely not my thing. I barely enjoy group conversations among friends but there I was hours away from church service with nothing prepared. I stared at my bible asking the Lord to direct me and give me the words to speak that evening. “What’s your sermon about?” Amanda asked. “The Older Brother of the Prodigal Son.” I immediately answered.
Are you familiar with the story? You can find it in Luke 15, it’s a good read!
Anyway, we headed for a pueblo called Huaraclla and Pastor Helmer came with us this time. The last time he came with, he ended up preaching that evening. I felt relief at the thought of not speaking in front of a church. But Pastor Helmer looked at me and asked who was giving the message. I politely said myself. His eyebrows went up. It was shocking for me too!
During the service, nerves were nowhere to be found. Hallelujah! The Lord’s got this. Fun fact about me, I like to listen more than talk. So in the past when asked to address a group of people, my heart would beat a hundred miles per minute, my palms would be clammy and I shift my weight from one foot to the other. That’s what fear looks like for me. I refused to be fearful this time and invited Jesus to take over for me instead.
The fear of the Lord means I don’t have to fear anything else.
I couldn’t tell you what I said that evening. I have my chicken scratch notes if you want to see it but I do remember the feeling of something unexplainable when I trusted Jesus. What would it look like if I trusted Jesus completely with every aspect of my life? Honestly, I couldn’t tell you but this experience makes me want to continue trusting him more and more.
On the drive home, I sat shotgun next to Pastor Helmer. He was very sweet and encouraging. In Spanish, he said something along the lines of, “…that was a good message…I’ve read that story over and over again but I gloss over the older brother…” And then he continued with a story. As I listened to him, I was so grateful. Had I been too fearful or prideful to give the Word, I wouldn’t be experiencing this lovely conversation about the Lord’s goodness. Bottom line: trust Jesus, he’s always the answer.
