I know it’s been almost two months since Training Camp and I’m already on my first month in the field in Albania. So I realize it may not make sense to some to blog about something that took place at Training Camp. However, what I’m about to tell you has obliviously continued to be on my heart. In my opinion it was a divine experience and the reason it’s taken me so long to blog about it is because it’s still hard for me to wrap my mind around it. Let me start at the beginning.
When I got to Training Camp my focus was to love on everybody and grow in God. That’s it! I wanted nothing to do with the leadership aspect of the race cause I knew team leaders were picked and I honestly didn’t want to be one. It may seem a little selfish but I just wanted to worry about myself on the WR. Not to toot my own horn, but I’ve been in leadership roles most my life and I know the stress and expectations those roles take on a person. I didn’t want to really deal with that on the WR.
Throughout the week, Chelsea and Evan, our Squad leaders asked varies people to help lead activities. I was never picked. What a relief I was thinking to myself. If I wasn’t being picked then I must not be being considered and I was more than okay with that. We would also do varies team building activities with different combinations of people. After which the Squad leaders would ask us several different questions about both the activity and the people we were working with. The question of “Could you lead this team?” always came up. I gave the same answer each time, “I didn’t really want to lead in that capacity during the Race, but I’d do anything asked of me.” I honestly thought that answer alone would check me off their lists so to speak. I mean I told them I didn’t want to lead.
Flash forward to Thursday the day we knew we’d find our who our teams were. I was REALLY excited to find out who I would be serving with day in and day out for at least the first few months. It was ouR squad’s turn to wash dishes after lunch. I was helping rinse when Chelsea asked me if I could meet her in the basement of some building one site in like 15mins. She said everybody else would be doing something different but that’s where I needed to be. I started to panic! What did I do?! My mind automatically starts going through worst case scenarios of how they won’t let go on the WR. Looking back it’s pretty silly. It always is, right?
I ended up going to the basement like I was asked to. It made me less nervous as I saw fellow squad mates heading to the basement too. I was thinking there was no way THIS many people were in trouble, lol. It dawned on me that all these people were pretty great. A conclusion I came to after getting to know them throughout the week. Finally it clicked…these were all the leaders! My heart began to race as I thought about the weight that position brings, like I mentioned before. Especially when it comes to the 6 or 7 others one would be asked to lead. What if I led badly? What if my leading badly, had a negative impact on my soon to be revealed team and thus hurt their relationship with Christ? These were the thoughts racing through my head.
Bill Swan gave a short talk as we ran over the expectations of a WR Team leader. He then said you have about 5 minutes to think about and accept the position or not. Honestly at this point I was leaning toward not! As soon as the 5 minutes began I gathered the other 3 guy leaders from ouR Squad together and asked if we could pray. I was honest with them, like I am being with you now and told them I wasn’t sure this is something I wanted to do and asked if they would pray for me and for anything else that they might be feeling as well. As time to decide got closer, panic set in. What do I do?! You see, this was the first leadership position I didn’t want, just to have. In my past there have been times I’ve been choose for leadership which I only accepted because of the “title” and pride it brought. I didn’t want that this time. This time I truly wanted what the Lord wanted and I was still unsure why that was me?
“I’m just the big, funny guy Lord”, I thought to myself. “There’s got to me someone better than ME! Cause if not we’re all screwed!” I wasn’t hearing anything clearly from the Lord so I went to Evan and Chelsea for their input. I’m very much a feeler so my emotions overcame me as they began to encourage me and tell me all the reasons why they thought I could lead well. After that and their assurance they would be there for me if I needed anything I graciously accepted the responsibility but continued to pray inside “Lord, I hope you know what you’re doing, lol.” The rest of the day was great as I got to meet my team and spend a few hours that afternoon out and about with them. It was out first time off site where we could get away, eat/drink some good food and dive in getting to know each other. Again, it was great but what the evening session had in store for me was even better!
As all four squads gathered for the evening session and worship like everyday that week, I was still wrestling with my decision. Did I make the right one? Is this REALLY where the Lord wants me? Is it too late to change my mind? As my thoughts raced, we began to sing. Let me tell you…when 150+ people with your same passions gather together to praise God, it’s powerful! You can feel the presence of God moving and working in people! It was His presence that brought me to tears. A flood of thankfulness for ALL He’s done for me filled my heart and came out my eyes. I was still leery of leading, but yet so humbled by the Lord and His confidence in me. What happened next is still hard to believe and is also the divine experience I referred too at the beginning of this post.
Clint was our speaker that evening and it was his first time speaking to us. He began to speak life over the the whole group as the music played softly in the background. He was renouncing demons, breaking years of bondage and addictions and blessing the the whole group. It was pretty radial stuff, but it felt right in my Spirit. Then he stopped…pointed right at me and stepped past the first row in the crowd till he was looking at me face to face. He then said “God is gonna use you to lead and lead well. You think you can’t and you’re right, but He who lives inside you can!” I couldn’t believe it! In all my years as a Christian, I’ve NEVER had conformation like that. I was overwhelmed to the point where the tears just wouldn’t stop as people said “Awesome Chan”, by patting me on the back. Again, I found myself completely overwhelmed by the faithfulness of God, a normal feeling at Training Camp, and at that point all my doubts of leading faded away.
Blessings,
Chan
