Tuesday. April 16th. the year 2013. I'm nauseous and wondering what today is going to be like. We spent late night yesterday peeling potatoes and chopping onions. Tomorrow, which is now today, we packaged the prepped food into plastic baggies.
Today is the launch of Project Unglued. My friend, Sarah, obeyed God's vision for this project and we had the opportunity of helping launch it here in Kenya. All we knew was that we were passing out food to street kids. Almost all street kids sniff glue to get high and they stay high the majority of the time. We are sharing the love of Jesus and praying over them, filling their bellies. The age range is 7-18 and some even up to 26, mostly boys because the girls are prostitutes instead.
We rode to town in a small van with big pots of food and lots of speed bumps. Dust swirled in the windows that would only open half way. It's hot today, Africa hot. I put my headphones in and tune out the jumbled voices of all the passerbys. The van comes to a stop in a field, only after being jolted around on a dirt pathway. In the distance I see a group of kids standing with Pastor Patrick, and a smile makes it way across my face. I KNOW there are going to be some divinely appointed God moments.
Sarah assigned people, "you're on line control, you're passing out food from the van, you can socialize and pray over the crowd, and you guys can guard the windows and doors from being pushed open by hungry people." Everybody was excited and dispersed. My job was to sit inside the van by the window and pass food out to my friend, who was then passing the bags to the hungry kids. "Easy enough", I thought, since I wouldn't be dealing with the overwhelming stampede of guys. Here they come.
Everybody came up to the van, surrounding it. They tried making lines but the boys wouldn't listen. Some were so high on glue that even though they spoke english they couldn't comprehend what we were saying. Some were kind, and all smiles. Some were aggressive and wanted seconds and thirds. They would lie and say they hadn't had any, or they would rub off the marks we put on their hands to signify they've already eaten. Survival mentality. Manipulation. No hope. That's what these kids deal with everyday.
As I am passing out food bags, some guys sneak open the windows and doors after making sure no one was looking. I sat on the right back side of the van by the window, and they knew they could open the left windows and doors as long as the "guarding people" were distracted with others. My heart started racing, and anxiety set it. Yelling, "NO, NO, NO Shut that window!! GO AROUND!! NO! GET OUT!!, TANNER! Come get this guy!"
Now STOP.
Picture this: A tiger is in a cage and you know he is agressive, but you're safe because he is locked up inside. Now you're the one in the cage, and the tiger outside. You don't feel safe anymore because you have no where to run or escape to if things get out of hand. That was me, sitting in fear, loud noises all around, anxiety high, people pushing and shoving the van. They were high and disoriented, reaching inside, and kissing the windows at me while I tried to ignore their advances.
We moved to another spot down the road to serve our extras. We parked in the middle of the road and a crowd drew, some just followed the van from the previous spot. Here, there was more noise, more people, more chaos. Our teams were handling everything well for the situation we were in. I couldn't help just wanting to leave. The unsettledness inside me was filling my head and all I could do was zone out and wait for time to pass.
Just then, my friend who was guarding my window got groped by a man who was perverted and very high. Graham pulled him away from us women and kept him distracted as to not have the opportunity to harass anyone else. I started getting sick to my stomach. "WE ARE DOING MISSIONS FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!! How can you let that happen God? Come on, we are doing work for your kingdom,REALLY?…. what could you be trying to teach us through this?!"
As someone who has been sexually harassed like this before, fear and anxiety and now anger were at the forefront of my mind. My head racing, "FINE, if you're going to sexually harass my friend, you can kiss the FOOD goodbye!! screw THAT!" Violence and anger at the front of my mind put me in a haze on the way home. My teeth gritting, jaw clenched, and blood boiling, with a side of fear and vulnerablity.
I wanted him to be punished for his actions by having an empty stomach. I had so many questions for God. I wanted to scream. This made me think to myself "Was it righteous anger due to injustice, or did I wrongly want revenge?" ….maybe both. My old scars resurfaced.
After our second stop we ran out of food. We ended up feeding about 200 people. God definitely used the ministry to reach the street kids, and this is just the beginning. Day 1 of Project Unglued.
I trust my God even if I have unanswered questions. I trust He will redeem the things that went on that weren't beneficial in the moment. I trust He probably used that to resurface old hurts that I may need to deal with. I trust that while those things were going on, in the same moment He was changing someone's life with an act of kindness and prayer, and small bag of food.
I trust Him, even if I don't fully understand why things like that happen, and I trust Him for healing. Healing among them, among me for things in my past, among my friend and among the bystanders that saw our acts of kindness and heard Jesus' name. I trust that everything happens for a reason in God's infinite plan and He will redeem the evil that sneaks in even in the best of situations.
More good came out of that situation than bad, and those kids will ALWAYS remember the words we spoke over them. Even if only in their sub-concious because they were so high…..the words and the change are still seeds planted or watered.
