This past year of my life, God has been showing me a lot of things about myself and where I was finding my identity. During the summer before my senior semester in college I was thinking of my relationship with God and something didn't feel right. My INTIMACY with God wasn't present. I considered myself to be in a relationship with God but I didn't know how to be in a relationship of intimacy with Him. I kept thinking back to all of my relationships with males from my past. Every male that has been in my life has been a broken relationship. My father, my pastor, and my relationships with boyfriends have all been broken and unhealthy. So for the longest time I struggled with what intimacy with God was supposed to look like…..I had NO idea how to go about having this relationship when I had never experienced anything like it before. There was this point in my life where I felt that I was never going to be able to have this healthy, beautiful relationship with my CREATOR and it was in this place of insecurity and loneliness that brought me closer to HIM. I began to call out what it was that was leaving me in this place: TRUST, SECURITY, FAITH, HOPE, DISCIPLINE, and MY IDENTITY were all lacking in my relationship with God. I realized that every relationship I have had with past boyfriends was a sense of dependence and reliance of who I was in them rather than in God. Since my relationship with my dad wasn't present in my life, I found myself trying to fix that relationship in others which caused a HUGE mess with everyone involved. Once God pointed this out in my life I brought these things in the open with my community and with God and life took a turn for the better in me and through me. I started learning that God wants to PURSUE ME!! HE wants me to walk in His presence daily. Why should I be satisfied without His presence….IM NOT. There is this longing within myself that is SCREAMING for Him to come deeper into my life. I just want to jump up, run around, and scream my head off because I am finding intimacy with GOD, this is INSANE!! I have found that the more I seek God, the more I become intimate with him, the more he points out in me that is not of Him. This is one of those things!! I can say that I find my identity in NO ONE but God. Everyday I am choosing to seek after God. No longer will any chains from my past relationships, from my brokenness hold me down. I have found the ultimate healer and it is so humbling to find out He is seeking me and wants to be intimate with me. God is sooooo good and that is evident in everything around me and for this reason I am sharing what He has been doing in my life and through my life up until this point now.
