This time, exactly a week ago, our last group was gathering their breakfast and reverb's and hopping into their vans/gigantic bus to drive off into the distance. Homeward bound. It's weird to think about how much can happen in the span of just one week. The mix of emotions I felt when I woke up that morning, absolutely exhausted but knowing that I would be in a hotel less than 48 hours later. The horrible feeling I got churning in my gut when that group pulled out of the church parking lot. I might never see any of them again.
That was definitely the most difficult part of my summer. I became so emotionally invested in each group, just to see them leave five days later. It's really a beautiful thing how quickly people can bond over a similarity like a love for Jesus. Then we all say our goodbye's, promise to pray, and wish each other well. Heartbreaking.
Then I pack my own bags, pack up the site, move everything into storage, and begin our drive to Kansas City, MO for the evening. We all arrived, unpacked, had conversation, slept, re-packed, and drove to Minneapolis. Guess what we did next? Unpacked.
Exit RAMP (regional area mission preparation) was full of emotion for me. Bonding with groups every week and having to bid them adieu is one thing. Building relationships with your team for an entire summer just to see them off on August 8th is a completely different story. The thought of never seeing any of them again… too much for me to handle. Let the tears ensue.
But then, after a long day at multiple airports, I arrived safely at home to see my dad, my cat, and my best friend. I still haven't unpacked.
After this summer, I'm beginning to see things in a different light though. "Unpacking" is something I'm trying to avoid but I think that's happening literally and figuratively. Trying to process everything I went through this summer isn't something that can be done quickly or easily. This is going to take a long time… a very long time. At exit RAMP, they mentioned it could be years before we fully understand the reasoning behind certain things we saw, did, or lived through. God has a weird way of doing that to our lives.
So I'm trying to unpack (less a few suitcases) and I'm coming to all sorts of conclusions. The main one being: I'm not going to be able to figure this all out and that's completely intentional. I need to stop worrying about my future! This tiny piece of panic that is constantly lingering in my head is ridiculous and utterly unnecessary. From this point forward, I'm doing everything I can to live right here and now and think about the future as God presents it to me. This means I have to stop worrying about the race too.
The more I talk to fellow racers, the more I see the trend that everyone is worried about funding. Isn't this such a wonderful, teachable moment? God is obviously putting us through this so we learn to trust Him in this aspect of our lives to. Letting go of the tangible to believe in the unseen. I love it.
So bring on the challenge. Cheers to unpacking!
This is me getting excited about unpacking! Also, pumped that I just cut off over a foot of hair so some little girl can love it more than I did. I'm ready to race!
Remember Psalm 107:1
