Like I mentioned before, I grew up in a quasi Catholic home. Since my parents had to work long hours to make ends meet it was my grandmother that I spent most of my time with. She took me everywhere including church. Attending a Spanish Catholic church service was not fun. I never understood what the priest was saying, the cross with a dying, bloody Christ was scary and I didn’t like the sit-stand-kneel-sit-stand-kneel routine during service. So, going to church was just something I was forced to do.
As well as going to church I also attended a weekly “religion” class for children that taught you about Catholicism. I clearly remember during the 3rd year of “religion” school that the teacher said something about some guy named “Jesus.” I raised my hand and just had to ask, “Who’s Jesus?” Needless to say I didn’t understand much about God and this Jesus guy. What I did know was that God created everything and He sat among the clouds watching our every move and He knew everytime I did anything wrong. He was a scary God that kept His big judgemental finger pointed in my direction at all times.
I was a teenager when my immediate family moved out of state and I was no longer around my grandmother. So I no longer had to go to church. Even though I believed in God, I did nothing else with this belief.
I got married right after I graduated high school to a guy from the military who was an atheist. This did not matter to me. We were married for one year before we were transferred to Clearwater, Florida. As soon as we moved he had to leave for 7 months to attend a special A school in North Carolina. This left me in a brand new city without any friends. Now you have to understand this was 1998 and I didn’t have internet! So I really was alone! I got a job at a local gym just so that the boredom wouldn’t drive me nuts. It was there that I met a gal named Nancy who would become my best friend until this day. She was a Christian and had no problems saying so. Because I was alone in this city she took me under her wing and showed me around. Most weekends we’d tour the city. It was great. Well, it was great until she started inviting me to church. I had to politely say no many times. She was kind but persisted. Until one day she said, “Why don’t you come watch me play tonight? I play the piano in a band.” Of course, watching her “play in the band” ended up meaning “go watch her play at CHURCH.” I had no other plans and was kind of bored anyway…so I went. It was a creepy experience. People all around me would sing with their hands held high. I thought, “What have I gotten myself into?” But, somehow I started attending with her. Some Wednesdays and some Saturdays I would go. One of her friends began a bible study and to this day I have no idea how I started going. I wasn’t a believer but I went. I would sit there and just listen. Some days I’d question stuff but for the most part I just sat there with a big ole pillow on my lap listening.
Then one night I had an extremely vivid dream. It was an apocalyptic-type dream. Most everyone had died but I remained and so did a few girls that I had briefly met at church. We broke into homes searching for food and supplies. It was so vivid! That Sunday I ran into one of the girls that had been in my dream and told her about it. She said, “Oh that sounds like when Jesus returns. But you better believe I won’t be here. I’ll be spending eternity with Him. You know what else that sounds like? Sounds like those Tim LaHaye Left Behind books. Do you like reading? You should look into reading those books.” That very night I bought the first book and read it cover to cover in two days. The story was so captivating. So, I bought the second book. Read that one just as fast. Bought the third and then the fourth. It was while reading the fourth book “Soul Harvest” that the Lord spoke to me for the very first time. I was reading it at work during lunch and I heard Him say, “Ok. You’ve been reading these books but I have a question. Are you ready if I come back?” Clearly I’m going nuts I thought. So, I tried to keep reading but He spoke again, “Cathy, are you ready if I come back? Are you ready if I come back. Some of those characters in the book were ready. Some were not. Are you ready?” He would not stop asking until I finally had to answer in my head, “I don’t know.” So, then He said, “OK. How about you go to church tonight (it was a Wednesday) and we’ll resume our conversation then?” “Um, ok” I thought.
That night I went to church. I didn’t mention any of this to Nancy…I already thought I was going nuts…didn’t have to include her in on that too. Well, that night the pastor was teaching about something other than salvation. He was teaching about old customs, eating barley, wheat…something very far from a salvation message. I was relieved that I had imagined everything that happened earlier in the day because obviously the message was not a continuation of my previous encounter. But, halfway through the service the pastor stopped cold in his teaching and closed his bible. He was not done teaching but he said “Ok I can’t shake this. I feel like the Lord definitely wants me to share something and I can’t continue with what I had planned for this evening.” Just then the pastor turned in my direction and said, “Are you ready? Are you ready if Jesus comes back tonight?” Ok. You.Officially.Have.My.Attention.God. Unfortunately, I knew what was going to happen next. The pastor was going to make an alter call and say “If you want to receive Jesus tonight please come forward.” So, I freaked in my chair and I prayed silently to the Lord, “Ok listen up! I know what’s about to happen and I’m NOT going up there. I am not getting out of this chair and walking up there in front of hundreds of people. It’s just not going to happen.” And, it was at that very moment that the pastor said, for the first time ever, “If you want to receive Christ. Just bow your head. Just bow your head right there in your chair and repeat after me. Lord Jesus come into my life…save me…” So, how could I say no. The Lord met me right where I was. So, that night I opened up my heart and accepted the Lord into my life.
Granted not everything became beautiful and rose petal-y afterwards. Soon after I received Christ my husband filed for divorce and I suffered from depression for a couple of years. But, the Lord has never let me down. If there is anything in my life that has been consistenly consistent is the Lord’s love and patience and mercy and grace He has for me.
God really is that personal with us…if we’re willing to just hear Him out. He’ll meet you wherever you are. You don’t have to go try to find Him. He’s there. Waiting. Patiently waiting.
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves. It is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:8-10
