“For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that
one died for all, and therefore all died.
And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for
themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.� -2 Corinthians
5:14-15
So far month 2 has been great. Our team has gotten a lot closer and really
started to bond on a deeper, emotional level.
We’ve made amazing relationships with our contacts as well as our
students. We’ve begun building relationships
with families in our village and surrounding villages. My team has spent time every day praying and
prophesying together. We get to ride
bikes almost every day. It’s been really
good.
Spiritually, the Lord has been wrecking me. He’s been teaching me so much about myself
but way more about Him. I’ve felt
spiritually stagnant for the last couple of years. It didn’t matter how much “good� I did-how
many Bible studies I taught, how many church services I attended, how many
hours I spent serving others-I felt like God wasn’t really there. Consciously I knew that He was there. I know from the Bible that “He will never
leave nor forsake me�. So He’s gotta be
there somewhere right?
I was so excited about the World Race because I thought, “This
is it, finally I’ll get to change and God will come back to me.� Month 1 turned out to be a bust in that
aspect. The Lord was faithful and was
with us as we ministered in a spiritually dark place, but my relationship with
Him still wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted
to hear His voice. I wanted to see His
face. I wanted to feel His
presence. I finally opened up to my team
about what I had been dealing with. I
basically have been numb for years. I
have distanced myself from everyone so that no one could hurt me anymore,
including God.
After the word vomit I had with my team, I instantly felt
better and had peace. Over the next
couple of days the Lord really started to deal with all this stuff. First, He had to explain to me that He loves
me. And that I’m not receiving His
love. Second, He had to remind me that everything
is not always about me. I was like…hold
on one second…it’s not all about me?
This trip isn’t all about ME changing?
It isn’t about what I’m doing for everyone? He said, “NOPE. It’s about ME.� It may not sound that deep but it was exactly
what I needed to hear. My heart has not
been in the right place. I have been
here just begging God to come do all these things for ME. I totally forgot that the world doesn’t
revolve around me. It’s not about what
God can do for me. It’s about what God
is doing for the world. He brought me
here for HIM to be glorified, not me.
God’s plan for life is so much bigger than me. But because He loves me so much, He wants me
to a part of it.
Literally at that moment when I realized it wasn’t about me,
God was there. I felt His presence. I heard Him speak. He wants me to accept His love for me, and to
share that love with everyone I meet this year.
He wants me to serve Him with my whole heart. He wants me to focus on glorifying Him
through every situation rather than pleasing myself. He wants me to trust His plans for not only
this year but for my whole life. He wants
me to see and love people the way He does.
He wants to use me. I just have
to let Him.
