Funny story, I just wrote a whole blog and then deleted it. Crazy how the Lord works.
I came on here to write this extravagant post on what the Lord has put on my heart for the next year, and honestly, I am still trying to figure that out for myself. If this were me from the past writing this now, I would have closed my laptop and thrown it. I find myself sometimes trying to make the most out of something and make it good enough for people or make it seem like something has to be big in order for it to matter. Silly me for thinking that. You see, the Lord works in even the smallest of things. You don’t have to experience this dramatic change to feel the Lord working in your life.
A few weeks ago I had this dream. I met my friend Sydney Eskridge (go read her blogs you won’t regret it) in this village. I wasn’t sure at first where I was, I just knew that there was dirt everywhere and my friend. Then out of nowhere a group of children started laughing and playing with us. We danced and sang and ran around like crazy people. So many smiles filled that place where we were. As time went on Sydney and I appeared on the top of a hill. This hill was nothing like I’ve ever seen. Beauty stretched across it as far as the eye could see. We were alone, the two of us and this hill. In the distance, the sky radiated with every color, more breathtaking then you have ever seen. Words can’t begin to explain what it was like. We began to worship. And when I say worship I mean singing (some might say screaming) louder than humanly possible. We sang praises with one hand towards the sky and one hand holding each other. Right before I woke up, I remember turning towards her, tears filling my eyes, and hugging her so tight I could have broken something. When I woke up, I was kind of angry that this wasn’t real, that it was just a dream. I told her about it and her response was something that has stuck with me. she told me ¨pray about it, and ask the Lord what it means¨ some of you might be thinking ¨well duh catherine, shouldn’t that have been your first thought?¨ and I would love to say yes to that, but it just wasn’t the case. I began to pray about it but was still lost on what it meant. in fact, I’m still in the fog about it. I’m still working on what it means to hear the Lord and be patient in response. In fact, we won’t always get a clear response and that in itself has been really hard to understand. I am slowly beginning to process and understand this, and it has shed light on something that had been hidden in darkness for the longest time. Maybe this dream was to help me realize that, and find peace in not always knowing what something means.
That brings me to the whole reason I wanted to write this blog. The last season of my life is one that I will never forget. It broke me, and that lead Him to fix me. As I transition into this new chapter (and decade like whaattt) I have a new word.¨outreach¨. Once again, I have no clue what this means or why He put this on my heart. All I can do is pray about it and ask Him to give me clarity. This new year is the start of something I will take with me forever. In nine short months, I will be headed across the world into the unknown. I know the Lord will push me and mold my life&heart in ways I will never be able to imagine.
When I find my hill, Lord I will scream your name into the nations for all to hear!!
Let them shout from the top of the mountains.
Let them give glory to the Lord, and declare his praise in the coastlands.
Isaiah 42:11
