Why me God? of all the people, you chose me.
Am I truly ready for this?
When I think about my life, I sit back and see how much the Lord has changed it. It sounds so cliche, but its the truth. For the longest time, my life was marked with selfishness and pride. I would take each day and see what I could do for myself, and seek to make others like me more. I longed to be known and accepted by the people around me and lost sight of who God meant for me to be. I began to fall far from God, and came to a point where I thought that He didn’t want my broken self anymore…
Why would perfection want brokenness?
But you see this is the beauty of His grace and mercy. This is why He loves so unconditionally. To take our brokenness and make us NEW. This is the gospel yall. He made a sacrifice, His ONLY son, to die for our sins so that we can live FOREVER in eternity with him! We are so undeserving, yet he loves those who denied him and turned their backs on Him. This is what true love is. No matter what you do and how far you fall, He is right behind you to catch you when it happens. He is standing with his arms wide open. You just have to run to him.
This is exactly what he did for me.
I fell and felt like He did not want me anymore. But He proved me wrong and I finally felt known and accepted. Not the way I was seeking it before. This time it was by the only one who matters. My Father and Savior. This is where I finally decided to give up MY life, and live it for Him.
I fell in love with serving when I became a missionary at Camp Barnabas(a camp for people with special needs and disabilities). That week the Lord pushed my faith and put me through things I have never been through before. But this is the beauty of it all. In my suffering and weakness, the Lord works in my favor. He used this camp experience to literally change my life.
So here I am. about to embark on a 9-month journey that 2 years ago I would have laughed at the fact. Lord, am I ready for this? Yes. I am ready for you to use my life. I am ready because you say I am. I would be lying if I said that I was not scared. In fact, I’m terrified. But in a good way. Because I know that He has walked before me and KNOWS what is in store for me.
Use me Lord!!
