Are you still willing to be a servant when you are treated like it?
Am I? Hearing this question I am filled with conviction and therefore know I have to press into it. It is hard to shake the mindset that I am volunteering my time to go help others and in return should be treated to a certain standard because I am helping. The truth? I do not deserve anything. I do not deserve grace. I do not deserve the kindness and thoughtfulness that our hosts Mabe and Fabi have given me. I do not deserve to have the warm bed and hot showers I have here. I do not deserve to have never experienced the struggle of not knowing how I will get my next meal. But yet I have all of this, and never had to earn a single one. It was given to me. Coming into this trip I have recognized a sense of entitlement in myself that I was not able to grasp before leaving home. When I learned that my ministry work for the next two weeks would be construction I have to admit that I was disappointed. I tried to stay positive but as I listened to everyone else excited to go work with children, help the elderly, and get to connect with locals everyday I sat in the weight of my disappointment and let it dampen my spirit. Here I was having to travel an hour each way by bus to go do manual labor all day in the high altitudes and pouring rain. I didn’t fundraise all this money to shovel dirt, deal with back pain, and be so cold I cannot contain my chattering. I went on gap year to connect with people, and to help others. Conviction. As our ministry contact began to share the story behind why we were building, God softened my heart. I walked through the rooms of the house in progress and saw the rows of little beds waiting for the girls that will soon learn to call this home a safe haven. I was overcome with compassion and my blind eyes saw purpose. As he shared about the girls they will be rescuing from sex trafficking and taking in to provide a better life for I recognized how important this work is. It is real and it is meaningful. It no longer mattered that a few hours ago this work seemed so unimportant in comparison. This is kingdom work, and kingdom work is never small. I was completely convicted for how entitled I was acting towards this ministry. I went in with the mindset that the construction didn’t matter as much because it isn’t relationship building ministry. I thought the only way to serve others was to be the heart of transformation. I took it upon myself to be the catalyst of change, and if I wasn’t directly involved in the transformation process I felt my work wasn’t as meaningful. This week has taught me to take the backseat. God reminded me that just because you may not get to see the fruit of your labor, does not mean that it will not produce a fruitful harvest. I’ll be done with this in 2 months. Yet the men we’re working with at the site will do this all day every day working tirelessly to build a place that will keep these girls safe from their traffickers and from the horrible abuse they can’t escape. And that is more beautiful than my want for comfort. It is so beautiful because they are fulfilling a need that God has presented before them and they are doing it with such a humble heart. This month I pray for hunger to seek the reasoning behind why God places tasks before me. I pray for humility.
XOXO, Cat
Updates: Thank you so so much to all my supporters who helped get me to Ecuador! We made it! So much change. So much processing. It’s surreal that I am here, and cannot wait for the next two months. I’m pretty behind on fundraising and still need to make my $10,000 deadline in order to not be sent home! I really want to be able to continue this ministry so if you are able to help me stay on this trip there is a donate button at the top! Thank you!!!!
