…well, kinda. It’s 2019 and music is everywhere. But other than when I was at work or riding in the car with other people, I cut it out. IT WAS WEIRD. I honestly questioned if I would be able to make it, because I was struggling so much and it was only day 2. Now y’all are probably wondering why. If you know me, you know I listen to music all the time. And it’s not even bad music; it’s 95% Christian music with 5% Disney sprinkled in.
But my church decided to do 21 days of prayer and fasting in January (if you don’t know what fasting is, it’s when you temporarily give something up in order to focus more on your relationship with God). Most people do food. I’ve done some food in the past, but I really didn’t wanna be cliché. So, I actually prayed about it. And I felt like God was telling me to give up music. I really didn’t want to, but that’s when I knew it was exactly what I needed to give up.
My car rides went from lit jam sessions to dead silence real quick. It was a lil awkward at first as I attempted to pray while I was driving. Normally I’ll just chill in my room or go on a walk outside if I wanna talk to God, but I started using my 20 minute car ride to and from work for some prime prayer time.
I also started listening to podcasts! I had a couple long drives, and I was really not about just hearing the sound of my own car running. And a lot of these podcasts just spoke right to my heart. I was shook. It was great because I just made periodic comments to God throughout the podcast, and we were just connecting on a deeper level.
Although, it was difficult when I was hanging out in my room and all I wanted to do was put on background music. I struggled to focus to complete simple tasks or even fall asleep at night. It felt like I was going through withdrawal; I couldn’t survive without it. The biggest thing I realized through this is that my relationship with God has become far too dependent on music. It’s so much more than that, and I was limiting myself to such a small aspect of it.
On the last day of the fast, I was actually feeling really crappy. I felt like no one cared about me enough to ask how I was doing or hear what I had to say. I felt as invisible as I did when I was a scared little kid. All I wanted to do was go back to my room and have a good cry. I just wanted to be truly seen.
It was late when I got home, and I noticed that the clock had passed midnight. The fast was over. I opened up my Spotify app and put my playlist on shuffle (another thing I was working through was giving up control, and I wanted to give up control of the first song I listened to).
The song “Story I Tell” by Micah Tyler came on and that’s when I just started bawling. Literally the whole song is about everyone whose powerful story is told in the Bible, but no one knows their names. They were the outcasts of society, the sinners, the poor, and the sick. It shows how God saw those the world turned its back on, and He used them in ways they could’ve never imagined.
God sees me when no one else does. I connect with music deeply because I associate different songs with pivotal moments in my life, and God needed to remind me of that too. Music has never been the problem; my mindset and priorities were the problem. So I’ve been working on that. 🙂
-Catherine Choquette
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