I’ve realized something- I’m not good at introductions. So I’m going to just get straight to what I am talking about. It was the 1st week of January and I was getting quite frustrated. Through planning a cross country event, I came to realize that I am burdened with the fear that if I don’t plan something, it won’t get done. I think that I am a natural leader, but these situations have fed my love of control. Yep, I said it- I feel at ease when I believe that everything is handled by myself, and my anxiety runs high when things are up in the air. So naturally, one of my biggest struggles spiritually is releasing control to God, not to mention that I am very impatient. During the last couple months, or “season” of my life, I have noticed a few areas of my life where God is telling me to take a step back and remain patient while He works:
- Social Planning
I made a conscious decision that day to release control in social planning. This is not completely spiritual, but it is a very tangible way that I could give up control to other people, in the same way that I should be doing with God. Before our school’s winter formal dance, I promised my friends that I would not make the dinner reservation, and it was hard for me not to get in touch with people and get a head count, but it turned out totally great. I have started saying “no” to being in charge and have experienced the freedom of sitting back and giving up control.
- World Race Fundraising
People ask me if I am scared about going on the World Race, and this is what I tell them- “I’m[DB1] not scared about being on the trip, but raising almost $16,000 scares me to no end.” I know that doing the World Race is God’s plan for me; He knew that I needed something to completely surrender to Him. For example, deciding on where you go to college should be a decision made with prayer and surrender to God’s plan, but you could potentially make that choice on your own, but with this fundraising there is no way to do it on your own. I needed an item that I knew was completely out of my reach without the Lord’s provision- and fundraising is just that. I could work 30 hours a week every week until I leave (I’m not actually working that much, just a hypothetical) and I would still not even have half of my funds raised. I am learning to trust God in this process and people’s generosity has gone beyond anything that I could have imagined. I read a quote a while back that was something like this, “Fundraise like it depends on you, and trust like it depends on God,” and that is just what I am trying to do.
- Running
This area of my life has been a huge test of patient and my ability to obey orders of my doctor, parents, and coaches. Just this summer, I was training for cross country like crazy, and consistently running 40 miles a week. In January, I had shots in both of my hips for a labral tear, and could not run for a month. That was painful. More painful than the running injury itself. I’ve had to trust that this is part of His plan, because heck, my plan involved an amazing senior year of running and PR’s.
- College
I love Proverbs 16:9 because it is a reminder of God’s higher plan- “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” If you had asked me a year ago about college I would have said- “I am going to get my ACT score up 2 points and get a scholarship to the University of Alabama.” Turns out, my test scores did not budge, and I am going to Africa next year instead. Funny how things work out. I seem to have these “amazing” life plans in my ear, but God usually comes and wrecks them, in the best way possible. Also, waiting to hear about college has been a lesson in patience, since I still want to attend school in Fall 2019 through the FSU Gap Year Program. I am currently waiting to hear back from that specific program, but during the wait for normal FSU decisions I accepted that it may not be God’s plan for me to go to FSU, so rejection would not be the end of the world. Whenever someone was nervous about getting in to the school of their dreams, I would never tell them “oh, of course you’ll get in,” but instead, “no matter what happens, it will all end up ok. If it’s God’s plan for you to go there, you will get in.”
Trust me, I have heard all the bible verses about patience- to clothe myself with patience (Colossians 3:12), that patience will bring me peace (Proverbs 15:8), and to wait patiently for the Lord’s help (Psalm 40:1), but y’all, my heart is just so stubborn. I am not saying that I have patience all figured out for good (I never will, I am human.), but what I am saying is that God has used certain experiences in my current life to teach me some things about patience, to teach me some things about His plan being greater than my own.
Above all, Be Still. Be still and know that He is God. A God with a Greater Plan.
