This past afternoon, I called Sam frustrated with a multitude of things- not being treated by authorities the way I feel that I deserved, mad at myself for not having more motivation to study for the SAT, and overwhelmed by the amount of things that I was committed to and felt like I could not escape from. In a moment of feeling neglected and confused, he dropped some biblical knowledge on me, “You know that God feeds the birds, so of course he is going to feed you.” I responded, “pshhhh where did you hear that from??,” overlooking that parable, for I never saw it as “applicable” because I always have food on my table. He answered, “The Bible.” I naturally responded, “I know,” because we are told repeatedly that God will provide for us, but internally I was feeling beat down and quite frankly, not provided for. (I copied this passage of scripture at the bottom of this post!) When we are told that God will provide, it is often left out that it may not be in the way that we wished him to. So, during my first ever spin class (side note-cycling seems a bit intense for me, but allowed for some deep thoughts….) I got to thinking these 2 things separately, and then connected them.
-
It is apparent in my life that God is providing me “food.” In the quite obvious ways- I have meals to eat, a comfortable bed to sleep on, and clean water to drink. He is also giving provision in the not so literal ways- I have a reliable job, I am 70% funded for the World Race, and I know that I have the ability to get accepted into college. Now here is the realization for me- God always feeds me, BUT NOT ALWAYS THE FOOD I WANT OR BELIEVE I NEED. I know that God will supply my every need (Philippians 4:19), but I am often left feeling dry because He may not be presenting them on my earthly timeline or in the way I want.
-
Then, naturally, my mind took me to food. All I could think about was how badly I wanted a milkshake from Burgerfi, where my teammates and I were going to dinner after. Then, I reminded myself of why I was taking a break from sweets for the summer- to practice the idea that only God can fulfill my emotional needs, not food(or anything else). At plunge, I realized that the only temptation that I feel like I can’t resist in my life is food, and that called my heart to change.
Connection: THEN, I connected these 2 things!!! I have the food I need (aka the “real food,” the food I am a bit less excited about), but I am not eating dessert. When I am really wanting a sweet food, I often see it as my needs being neglected, when in fact, it is just a fleeting desire that has no need to be fulfilled. I am too busy looking at what I do not have, or what I’m not “allowed” to have, to notice what is available to me.
NOW WHAT?!?
I observed today that my prayer life has shifted from asking God to do things or change things in my life, and more to Him helping me through the emotions I feel under my current conditions. I am striving to keep this up- praise God for what He has done, and pray for His grace and forgiveness as I act according to how I see His will in my life. Notice how God has provided for you already, and trust that He is working even when you are feeling confused.
Luke 12:22-26
22Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 26Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
