Hey! I am at month 4 debrief in Nepal before travelling to India. We spent the past week in Gorkha, tenting in the jungle. I had a rough week because of illness, being homesick, and simply not enjoying my time. I always want to be honest with people back home, but never want it to seem like I am complaining or ungrateful for everything that it took to get me here. Our ministry host asked us on the day after Christmas to go out and pray, and I wrote it down. I think that this prayer offers an honest glimpse into some of the hard things on the Race for me, and some of the things that I am asking God about.
Dear Lord, Gresom is having all of us go alone and spend an hour in prayer. I often just let my thoughts drift in things like this, but I thought that journaling a prayer would help me stay focused and also talk to You as a friend. The World Race so far is not what I expected it to be. I am not having the time of my life that people are telling me that I am having. I honestly do not enjoy my day-to-day life and am not sure why. I desire to be happy, but even more, I want joy that only You can provide. Please show me how to live in the joy that You call us to. Please help my heart desire to be exactly where it is at, because usually I feel like it desires to be at home. Provide me with hope- that I will multiply in joy, that You will give me endurance, and that You would change things. Please open my mind and eyes to the things that you want to teach me, especially about poverty and the spiritual world. Since You are in control and You provide, why do some people live in such poverty while others live in such abundance? Where is the line, especially on the Race, between being simply practical or more seriously, having little faith or too many doubts? What do you want me to be learning here? And how do you want to communicate that back home? Lord, I pray over my FSU decision. Ease my heart and give me peace involving the summer- how to manage putting my relationship with You first, spending time with my parents, friends, and Sam, and being dedicated to my job. Lord, I know that obedience to You is not supposed to be easy, but please give me joy and comfort in this season of my life. Your will be done, Amen.
When writing and praying this prayer, I had no thought of posting it, but after I read over it and saw it as a way to show y’all what I have been feeling lately. After this day, I feel like God has slowly been answering parts of my prayer! I have found more ways to choose joy in the past 5ish days, and have been filled with happiness that is not my own. I am so thankful to be having this opportunity to spend a year of my life serving God, but that does not mean that it is always easy or exciting. I hope that this post makes sense, and that you would reach out with an questions you may have.
