Chincha, Peru
This morning the pastor we're working with blessed us with a morning off, I woke up an hour later than usual and indulged in one of my instant coffees for the first time on the race. It wasn't a morning that I needed it, but a morning that it would be delightful just to have a cup. I skipped my morning run and closed my eyes asking The Lord what He'd like me to read this morning. Feeling a tad spiritually empty these past two days due to extreme physical exhaustion and hot Peruvian heat, I just wanted to hear something — and hear it loud and clear.
"LUKE" flashed across my eyes, so it was Luke that I turned to. My first thought was to skip the first couple of chapters…why? because they're usually read from a rocking chair when it's snowy + Christmas time, naturally. It´s like listening to Christmas music at Easter time, feels weird.
I didn't skip anything. The first part of Luke is about the birth of John the Baptist being foretold. A man named Zechariah goes to the temple of The Lord, an angel appears to him and he's terrified. The angel tells him that he will have a son named John, but Zechariah doesn't buy it because him and his wife are advanced in age. Yep, they're old, it's not logical at all for them to have a child, it's a ridiculous thought. The angel was right though, despite the disbelief of Zechariah, and Elizabeth (his wife) gave birth to a baby boy named John.
I tend to think a lot like Zechariah. I see great and awesome things that point to our majestic God, yet I often find myself on the "logical" side of things. My brain can't grasp all the things of God, so I limit Him in fear that He might not show up or I might have heard Him wrong or I think He's not capable. Trust issues in a God who has never failed me or seized to amaze me, now that's not logical.
One of the biggest burdens of my heart, laying heavy on me — my student debt. I often regret that I even went to college because the debt is so heavy. I want it gone. I have big dreams and desires, but I limit them, thinking that I might not be made for greatness because I have this burden hanging over me. It must be paid off before anything great can happen. When the burden gets heavy, I get a calculator and I do the math of how many jobs I 'll need,how many hours I could work each week, how much money will need to come in each month, how many years it will take — I will figure out all the how's.
Logically, if I work a whole bunch, spend money on nothing else, I could possibly be out of student debt in 5 years, but it could take more. I realized when I got my calculator out this morning that I didn't want to do anything in this life on my own strength. I had provided no space for God to show up. I do want to work really hard to cancel this debt, but I also want to allow room for God to work, for Him to be glorified. I will choose to have faith and give this burden to The Lord. I will believe that He will provide opportunities for me to work hard. Even if I don't have the most desirable degree — things that don't make sense will happen, and God will provide in abundance..
Jesus, when I think about the burden of my debt, I think of how you paid my debt on the cross. I think of how I could never work hard enough to pay the debt of all my sin, a bigger burden than any student loan. Thank you, with all my heart, that I don't have to carry that burden. Thank you for the opportunity to see a little perspective of what it feels like to owe more than you can pay off. My heart is filled with thankfulness that You've canceled my record of sin.
"And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in Him." Colossians 2:13-15
All my burdens can be given over to You. I can trust You with things that lay heavy on my heart. You are a God who can do all things. I will trust that You are always working. I will leave plenty of room for faith + for You to surprise me + be glorified through my life.
