Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong. I definitely had no idea what that word meant. To trust is to put all confidence in something. It’s easy to say I trust the Lord but it’s another thing to actually do it. That is what I have been struggling with and seeing the difference the two. It seems so simple–but I guess I’ve never really known the amount of strength and reliance trusting is. To rely on, to have confidence in, and to put all my hope and trust in the fact that God has me. It’s really hard. But I guess it isn’t ever easy. He has this situation. And he always has because I wouldn’t be this far without Him. I know it but often forget. I forget how far He has brought me and that none of this would even matter without Him. I have a total of about $5,000 right now and I need $5,000 more for my next payment, which is the end of August. It’s hard for me not to immediately freak out but that is definitely something that the Lord is working on in me. I want to fix things, I want to be in control and I can’t do that. It’s frustrating and hard to not be able to see how the Lord is going to provide and how He is preparing me for this journey.
I am so content with where I am right now that it’s hard to want to leave. It’s hard to want to give up everything to serve Him. But I know that my selfishness is kicking in and that is not of the Lord.
I have confidence in my decision and the fact that the Lord is calling me to go on this incredible journey, to give up everything to be completely and fully dependent on Him. I know this is what He has for me. But I am so very nervous and scared about moving forward. It’s coming so fast and I don’t know if I’m ready.
But my prayer is this. That in everything I will have trust God. I let go of all control and give up everything to Him. Take these fears and the anxiousness that I have. Let me have confidence in who you are and where you have brought me. I choose to always follow you even when it’s hard. It’s definitely hard right now but I pray that I do not waiver in my faith and I will not back out just because I am afraid of the unknown. I choose to trust you.
