Freedom

You know it’s going to be a rough day when you wake up at 1:30 in the morning for the 5am-6am prayer slot and can’t get back to sleep.

 And even rougher when you’re crying to your team leader
about the guy who had a part in tearing your soul apart nine years ago, only to
disappear and never be seen again a few months later.

And probably the roughest when you come to the realization
that not only have you never forgiven him, but you’ve never really let him go,
either.

 

Yeah, just another typical last day of debrief.

 

Sitting on the other side of the last twenty-four hours,
it’s almost surreal. Why did I let myself live trapped in that for so long?

Why did I let myself think he was right about me?

Why did I give safe harbor to depression, suicide, rage, and
bitterness?

 

God finally cornered me tonight during worship in session
time. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

So I sat.

I sat and I sang as everyone around me stood and sang and
danced.

I had no strength to stand.

No way to deflect.

 

Why are you letting
your stubborn pride get in the way? God asked me. Over and over and over
again.

Every time I shrugged it off, He asked again.

Every time the weight on my chest grew heavier.

But I couldn’t.

 

Then He called me out. Sent one of my squad mates up to the
microphone with words that pierced my core and tore the sobs out of my throat.

Years of pain and misery fell off as my squad gathered
around me in intercession.

Fell off and dissolved into the tile floor beneath me.

 

I believe that.

I believe it because this joy, this peace within my spirit today
couldn’t come from anywhere else but the same God who spoke me into being.

He’s brought me out of the desert into green pastures, and I
am thankful to rest there in the freedom only He can give me – because I know
when I wake up that it’s time to roll. There are children to love, hearts to
comfort, and lives to see changed.

In short, it’s time for Kingdom to come.