I feel like my blogs repeat themselves over and over again. I wear my passions on my sleeve and talk about them repeatedly. It’s all I want to talk about and share with you all! So sorry I’m not sorry. Here’s another one.
One of the many trainings we receive at Calo is designed to understand the initial experiences and neural development of the infant in an orphanage. Our Girls Clinical Director at the time, Crystal Williams, gave a haunting scenario that has been ingrained in my memory ever since.
Imagine you’re in an orphanage with limited resources and caregivers. Let’s say there are ten infants in a room with only one caregiver assigned to care for them. Picture all the cribs lined up next to each other. When the caregiver comes in, she starts with the first crib, changes the diaper, and continues on down the line. After the diapers are changed, she moves on to feeding and giving out bottles, moving on down through the line of cribs and babies. Slowly but surely meeting the physical needs of each infant. Methodical, logical, orderly.
But as we all know, babies’ needs don’t really work or operate on a strict schedule. What if baby number 8 needs his diaper changed now. He uses the singular skill he has at this age. He cries. He cries and he wails. He is uncomfortable, upset, something is wrong and needs fixed, but he can’t do anything about it himself. So he cries to alert his caregiver. This is exactly how God designed it to work. A child cries to alert his mother something is wrong and the mom is attuned and responsive to her baby. Soothing him when he’s scared, changing his diaper when it’s wet, feeding him when he’s hungry. Mom is attuned, available, and responsive to baby’s needs.
But not for baby number 8 here in this orphanage. He cries out. His face gets red, tears fall. He screams, wails, and flails about his arms and legs, but nothing happens. He must wait. Wait until it’s diaper changing time. Wait until it’s his turn to be changed. So baby number 8’s one and only skill has proved absolutely useless. He has no impact on the world around him. Implicitly he is learning I am not seen, my needs and cries don’t matter, I cannot trust the caregivers around me to meet my needs. And this experience happens over and over and over, until you end up with silent orphanages with babies who do not cry. What’s the point?
It’s at this tiny age that the foundations of self-worth and identity are formed. Infants need an attentive, attuned, responsive caregiver to develop a healthy brain and experience love, care, and develop trust. They need SO much attention and physical stimulation, need to be held and soothed. The crazy ratio of babies to caregivers in an orphanage set-up is not at all ideal. There is literally no way each infant’s needs can be met.
So when you want to think about the child adopted from an orphanage who has disruptive behaviors later in life and you rationalize, oh but you were just a baby, you don’t remember. Babies are resilient. You have had great parents and a loving home since you were adopted. You should be fine. False. The foundational experiences are absolutely critical.
It’s the scenarios like this that I wonder about and imagine. It absolutely breaks my heart. Is this still happening around the world? Are there still orphanages like that? Did that child I saw punch another child on the playground at ministry today have those initial experiences? Do any of these kids have parents who are responsive to their needs? I’m constantly curious and asking these questions in each country we got to.
Romania is renown for its orphans and orphanages during communism and ever since. At Calo I worked with a wide number of kids originally adopted from Romania. They have a very special place in my heart.
The entire race I’ve been trying to get inside an orphanage to see and experience it all first hand. But now especially Romania. That’s the dream! Knowing the effects these institutions may have on them for years and years to come, I just craved to see and experience firsthand. Everything I’m told is secondhand experiences. It’s been researched, experienced, and told by others, but there is something very different about seeing conditions with your own eyes.
My absolute dream came true while I spent a week in Bucharest, Romania. Through a series of divinely appointed opportunities and meetings, the Lord opened the door for me to visit roughly three Romanian orphanages!
However, this is just a teaser. You will have to read my next blog to hear about the experience!
