This week has been N Squad’s Parent Vision Trip in Swaziland. That means that some parents of Racers who could afford it and were able to take off of work (and, of course, who wanted to) were able to come spend a week submerged in ministry in Swaziland with their Racer children. All in all, we have had seven amazing parents experiencing all of Swaziland with us.
Hold on. Flashback moment:
Now, at the beginning of Training Camp way back in October, I had the opportunity to meet a beautiful young lady who opened up on our first day in a small group talk and showed me what true vulnerability looked like. We had just met and here she was pouring her fears, hurts, and burdens into us other four women.
I was immediately amazed at what an amazing women Esther Marie was.
It took most of the week before I made the connection (by someone telling me, of course) that she was Estie Barnes, daughter of Seth Barnes, head dude at AIM and celebrity. I was told by a random AIM staff member who was around that week and also told that would mean some pretty nifty things for people on our squad– whatever that meant.
Our boys had an awesome bonfire time with Seth and he prayed and spoke to us on a few occasions. So, that’s pretty “nifty”, I guess.
I’m not really a fan of receiving special treatment and Estie obviously felt the same way. She asked for us to think of her as “Estie” and not as “Seth Barnes’ daughter”. She wanted her own identity, I’m sure. That wasn’t hard for me to do because I honestly didn’t even know who Seth Barnes was until he was introduced halfway through Training Camp. I had no expectations for her to meet and no reason to treat her differently. I love her for being Estie.
So, let’s fast forward to this week. Seth is here as part of the Parent Vision Trip—as Estie’s dad. But that hasn’t stopped him from pouring into us like we are his own children.
Tonight, after the Racers hosted a dinner in the parents’ honor and to celebrate my beautiful Veracity teammate, Serah’s, birthday, Seth stood up to speak. He talked about how it felt to be on the field as a father and invited all the other parents to love on the Racers who didn’t have parents here in Swazi. He said they would pray for us, talk to us, hug us—whatever we needed.
Awkward.
I don’t know any of the parents. I mean, I’ve said “hello” on Skype a few times to Serah’s dad and briefly met the other parents throughout the week, but I didn’t know what good a hug would do me or what kind of prayer they could offer forth to someone they didn’t know.
I sometimes forget God transcends all barriers.
Seth, along with Mark Moorsefield, another amazing dad who came on the Parent Vision Trip, stood in front of me to pray over me.
I prefaced our prayer time with something along the lines of
“You can pray for me as long as you don’t hug me because I’m very emotional right now.”
I think they both awkwardly giggled, not sure what to do.
In the minutes before I actually stood up, I was overwhelmed with how much I missed my family. I mean, I know I miss them but I thought I was doing okay. I didn’t really feel homesick or cry about missing them; it was just like an “I used to see them every day and now I don’t” feeling.
My “feeler” personality was taking control of me now.
However, it didn’t take long to realize their love and care was genuine. They were looking at me and asking questions like my dad does. They didn’t feel like they were strangers anymore.
Seth told me a lot through and in his prayer, but four things continue resonating and replaying in my head, even six hours later. So much so, that it’s now 1 a.m. and I can’t sleep without writing about it.
1) Your dad is proud of you.
2) You are the example of who every father wants their daughter to be.
3) I can feel your heart in Africa with the children and God has a plan to work in that.
4) The Spirit is telling me that there is more for you. Press into that.
Yeah, I guess “strangers” can say a lot that hits home.
For him to take the time to really listen to what God was saying, in that moment and specifically for me, is astonishing. He could have just as easily prayed a “Thank you for this person and their commitment to do that Race. Blah blah blah” prayer that was a safety blanket, that some people have prayed over us.
But Seth stepped out in faith.
He trusted what God was telling him was to be said in front of me for a reason.
He lived out what they tell us to live out on the Race.
He was a walking example of the faith and sensitivity you are almost expected to gain on this trip, if you’re willing.
Seth’s words touched my heart tonight, but it’s not because of who he is. Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing that I was able to have a personal connection and conversation with the man who is credited with this entire idea and whose idea is radically changing my life. However, his words would have touched my life no matter who he was and what his title was.
To hear Seth say that my dad is proud of me is something I never doubted. My dad has never failed to express how much he loves his girls and that he’s proud. (I even have a beautiful poem saved to my desktop that he wrote me, if you don’t believe it!)
But, to have a stranger validate the loving relationship that I share with my father in an age where that type of relationship is becoming more rare by the year, was definitely a beautiful reminder. And, in a time where I was missing my dad so much as I looked at some of my friends laughing and hugging their dads, it was a reminder that was needed for my spirit.
It was pretty “nifty”.
I started a new journal today. I made it, actually. It’s covered in words on the outside that express what will be inside: my future. I plan to write it out with God, old school, like David does in Psalms. It will contain my questions, my prayers, my answers (if and when they come), my frustrations, my anger, my joy—whatever I have in my head and heart regarding my future. I’ll even yell at God, if I feel like that’s what I need to do to get my feelings out and clear my irrationality.
Seth’s last two phrases are the very first things written inside my new journal. As I ask God what is in my future regarding the passion and heart for the children of Africa and what more he has for me, my life will be changing.
I am letting go of what I want and pursuing God to find out what he wants. And, I’ll go from there.
Seth Barnes, celebrity or not, your words have ignited something in my spirit that longs for so much more. Thank you for listening to God and for loving on me like I can only imagine you love on Esther Marie Barnes.
And, yes, I did allow our prayer time to end in a hug. By the end of the time, my emotions were so overwhelmed with how amazing God is, how he speaks to all of us, and how amazing the people around me are, that I just needed a Papa Barnes hug.
