Frustration. Failure. Disappointment.
I leave in a week for the World Race. Tonight, I made my first attempt at packing my bag. Those three heavy words lurk over my head now.
I don’t understand; I’m a great packer—though not nearly as good as my mom!—but I’m pretty sure my pile of things to take multiplied like the loaves of bread and fish that Jesus fed the crowd with. Before I started, I examined my piles, “Oh yeah, this will all fit, no problem!” Well, problem: it doesn’t fit.
I succeeded in packing my carry on. At least, I thought I did. But, after further examination I didn’t like the way stuff was tightly squished in my bag so I decided to bring my camera bag, as well, for my breakable electronics. Now I’ve added a bag to my itinerary and I had only just begun. I should I known that was a bad sign!
As I glare at my pile of clothes—probably the culprit in taking up the most room—I can’t help but notice I have way too much.
5 Under Armour quick dry shirts.
2 “crap” t-shirts.
1 “nice” shirt.
3 solid cotton shirts
1 long sleeve shirt.
4 tank tops.
I’ll stop there to save myself any further embarrassment. 16 shirts?! Really, Cassie?! That’s ridiculous! But then I go through the, “Well, I can’t leave this one behind because I might need it if….” stage. Who is this person and what happened to my, “I can live in the same outfit all week!” mentality.
I threw in the towel, tonight. Literally. I threw everything in and on my bag and my towel was on top of the heap looming in the middle of my bedroom floor. I was frustrated, disappointed and felt like I’d failed.
Once again, I’ve been blessed by the people God has placed in my life. This time it was in the form of my amazing, God-seeking boyfriend. He keeps telling me, sometimes really randomly, “Go and be fishers of men.” I keep losing my focus and he’s there to remind me what this year is all about.
It doesn’t matter what I wear or bring, God is preparing the hearts of people all around the world for me to speak truth and life into them, to share the Gospel and add names to the chorus of people singing His praises, to proclaim the amazing love, grace and mercy of God!
To prove exactly how quickly I lose my focus, I’ll share something I wrote on Christmas Eve after fighting this same battle of what to bring—although at that time, it was just a list in my head. I struggled. I prayed. I learned. I thought I’d won. Obviously, that stronghold was not destroyed since here I am again! With God’s strength and help, I will demolish this foothole of failure and walk in the promises I’ve received!
'Twas two weeks before Launch,
And, while lying in bed,
Details of the World Race
Flooded my head."What am I forgetting?
Do I have all I need?
I don't have a clue,
But I'll follow, if you lead.Vibrams or Tevas?
Chacos or Keens?
I want my full-size pillow.
But which pair of jeans?!"Anxiety overwhelmed me,
"I can't do this alone!"
But God gave me N Squad,
My new family, while I'm away from home.The brisk wind howled
As a peace settled in,
"Don't forget: I'm sending you out
To be fishers of men."
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Philippians 4:6-8
