(I know this isn't directly related to the World Race, but it is in the big picture and the strongholds mentioned would have a direct impact on the trip had it not been for this!)
I prayed. I heard. I obeyed. I waited. I prayed. I heard. I obeyed. I followed through. I am going to Uganda!
Last week was rough, to say the least… I was struggling with insomnia more than normal, I was disappointed that Uganda seemed to be slipping away from my sights, I felt like I was losing friends, I was jealous of friends getting married and having children when I turned down a similar situation almost a year ago; just to name a few of the larger issues that were becoming strongholds. I was so "down and out" Monday night that I felt like I had lost control so I did what I always do when I need to get out of my own head- I turned away from technological stimulation and lay down in the my backyard under the tree with just the stars and moon in my sights and God in my head.
It was just what I needed.
I poured my heart out to God and I have never felt such a weight lifted off me! I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that my heavenly Father was listening to me; I knew all along that He knew what I was feeling but I suddenly got the feeling that He was just waiting for me to confess it all and lay it all at His feet.
After about an hour of crying confessions, I got “answers” to all my “questions”; the most significant for the time-being is that Uganda was not slipping away but was simply put on the back burner while and until I got the rest of my stuff sorted out. I was like, “Oh! Like all the details for the World Race?!” A harsh (yet loving), “No. ALL the rest of your stuff.” It was then that the “answers” I had just heard to the rest of my questions was all included in the “stuff” that I needed to work out before I committed myself to return to Uganda. On the surface of both my heart and mind I was going for the right reasons, but I had a longing deep down in my being that I didn’t even know was there that skewed my reason for going: I really did want to find a man. What?! I had been telling myself for almost a year that I didn’t want a boyfriend and believed it but in the shadows lingered the hope that I would meet someone there. Not only is that against EAC policy but is definitely not a reason to travel to Uganda and do-so while trying to balance my calling and incorporate self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice, service and selfish desires?! What a contradiction!
I think it took hearing about my friend (and brother as far as we’re concerned) getting engaged earlier in that day for me to reach my breaking point. At first I was confused; I thought I was jealous that he was with someone else and knew he was my brother and nothing more so why was I jealous? Then, as I talked with him about it, I realized I was jealous of what he had. He is in love with someone who shares his passion and fire and they are planning their life together; That conversation combined with the one with God made me realize for the first time in almost a year that I still had that seed planted in me desiring that relationship (even though I had almost completely convinced myself and others that I didn’t at this point in my life).
The instant I made the decision to give it fully to God and remind myself of God’s plan and purpose for me in Jeremiah 29:11, I was able to see and think more clear. I saw both departure and return dates for traveling to Uganda, I had no worries about finances (since that trip will wipe out almost everything I’ve raised so far), I was reassured of my calling to the mission field and the promise over my life so long as I am in God’s will, and I experienced a “Duh!” moment about the friends who have always loved and supported me.
I told my brothers in Uganda via Skype, I confirmed the availability with EAC’s stateside volunteer coordinator and told my family and a few friends I was able to contact who had been praying/supporting me. Right now I am waiting on my travel agent to get back with me about the specific route I requested on the way to Entebbe *EDIT* I purchased my ticket and got my confirmation! It now belongs to me! 🙂 *EDIT* and then I will just have to pray, pack and wait to board the plane!
Please continue to pray for me as the turn-around is short (I am leaving June 23 and will return to the states August 28) and I have a lot of cleaning and packing to do before I leave, as well as sort of a few more things with school regarding loan repayment. Also, please pray for my family as they ship me off and then have to prepare to ship themselves off a few weeks after and then return without me. Prayers for strength, direction (on last-minute things like my typical “Oh, maybe I should pack this!” or “I feel like I forgot something I really needed!”), peace and patience as the time will fly by yet drag on at the same time (both until I leave for Uganda and until I return to the States).
Praise to the everlasting, never failing, always right, regenerating, powerful, invigorating, solid, sure foundation of God’s Word! (Thanks to my AWANA T&T kids for the adjectives which we learned in our end-of-the-year-song!)
