Is It Worth It?

Why do we do what we do? I have been asking myself this question lately, why do I do what I do? Why am I overseas, halfway across the world, away from what’s comfortable to me, people who love me and I love, and all that is so familiar to me? “Jesus” would be the good Sunday School answer, and then I wonder is it worth it? Is it worth it, to give away these eleven months of my life, is it worth it to live with people who I don’t know, get to know them and serve them alongside serving through ministry, is it worth being sweaty most of the time, wearing dirty clothes most of the time, showering in a dirty bathroom, eating food that sometimes I wouldn’t give to a homeless person in America, is it worth being infested by ants in my clothes and bed and having mosquito bites all over my body and itching like crazy? Is it worth it? Is it worth it to spend my days ministering to people I don’t even know, loving, teaching, praying for, worshipping with, and living alongside them? Is it worth getting up every morning to have my time with the Lord, trying to discover Him in new ways, spending time in prayer worship, and just being with Him?

Well I have come to my own conclusion on this after wrestling with this question for a time. What I can tell you is that I know what life looks like without Jesus Christ. My life was wrecked in many ways, I was hopeless and did not even want to live anymore. Most of all I wanted nothing to do with Jesus. To me He was just an angry God who was constantly pointing His finger at me telling me what I was doing wrong and all the rules that I needed to keep in order to go to Heaven.  One night when I was at one of my lowest points, when I was about to engage in self destructive behavior I facetiously said, “I invite you in God” because I had been told He was with me and wanted me to invite Him to be with me no matter what. In that moment I realized that He was actually there with me. No matter what I chose to do or not to do, God was with me. Then it dropped to my heart that even when my life was a wreck and I wanted nothing to do with God He had been with me. In the moments when I chose to turn my back on Him and in the moments when I wanted to embrace Him to make myself look or feel better.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

    Where can I flee from your presence?

⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,

    your right hand will hold me fast.

¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

    and the light become night around me,”

¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;

    the night will shine like the day,

    for darkness is as light to you.

Psalm 139:7-12

God had been patient with me all those years. and had been pouring His love on me all those years, but because of my choices and lack of understanding who He really was I was unable to receive this truth.
I am so thankful that He stuck with me even though I turned my back on Him, I’m so thankful He chose to love me even when I was making poor and unwise decisions. He never left me, and He never forsook me.
So I ask myself is it worth it? And why do I do the things I do? After processing I can tell you, it is worth it; He is worth it! And I do the things I do because He is worth it; because He chose to love me and stick with me through the good and the bad. So I will chose love when things are good and when things are not so good. I do what I do because He did it first, and because I cannot hide the love He has placed in my heart. I want everyone to know that Jesus Christ not only saved my life, but redeemed it from the pit.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

    because the Lord has anointed me

    to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

    to proclaim freedom for the captives

    and release from darkness for the prisoners,

² to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

    and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

³     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

    instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

    instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

    instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

    a planting of the Lord

    for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:1-3