I realized I haven't shared about anything the Lord has been teaching me or things I have been learning lately so I thought I would give it a go.
I think I have shyed away from a blog like this because I have felt so drained. One thing with being in Africa and having to go to an internet cafe any time you want internet is that you have to walk usually a descent distance away. In Uganda we passed an internet cafe on our way to ministry a lot of days so it was easier. But in Kenya and in Tanzania we have to go on our one day we have of resting for the week. So sometimes if I don't write a blog throughout the week before I go to internet, it is just easier to write a blog informing you on all of the things we are doing or have done.
I am a child of God. I have always tended towards people pleasing in my life. Wanting to appease everyone around me, never wanting to step on anyone's toes. I believe there is a part of this that is healthy. Wanting what's best for others, and trying to be what they need in a certain moment. But when it gets to the point where it consumes your entire life there is obviously a problem. I can get so wrapped up in being what others want or need me to be that I completely lose myself. I start being someone completely different than who God made me to be just so that others will like me, want to be around me, or so that there will be peace and not tension.
I am a God-pleaser. When it starts becoming more about being liked and worrying what others are thinking about you we arrive at another problem. Ultimatley my goal isn't to be liked by everyone around me, or even to make sure everyone around me is getting along and happy all the time. My goal is to please my Heavenly Father. Sometimes this can look different than what we think. Sometimes being what someone needs me to be can look like saying no to them, or backing away from them and giving them their space, or sitting with them and just listening without stating my opinion. To look more like Jesus doesn't always mean letting people walk all over you, or walking all over others.
I am loved. Be who God created you to be. So far this month, God has been pushing, pulling and stretching me to be myself no matter what the situation and no matter who I am around. To talk to Him more with words that I would use, not just words I think sound good. To be the best me that I can possibly be. It's easy to get discouraged and think that I'm so far from where I should be that I should not even try, but then He reminds me that I am loved. That if I am being myself, He loves me. If I am being a people pleaser, He loves me. If I am throwing a pity-party, He loves me. If I am choosing joy in the midst of utter chaos, He loves me.
I am a child of God. I am a God pleaser. I am loved.
Ultimately it all boils down to love. I am fully 100% loved 100% of the time. When I focus on His love everything seems to not matter anymore. If someone isn't happy with me, it's ok because I am still loved by my Father. If I am the center of attention, I am still loved by my Father. His love is really all that matters. And when I get to the point where I can constantly be able to receive His love it can be constantly poured back out to those around me. My job is to place myself where I can receive and to abide in His love. That is the place of overflow. That is the place my heart longs to live.
