Around The Mountain

I tend to rely on myself a lot. My pride tells me it’s good to be a strong person and try to figure things out on your own. I fall into the trap of believing I have something to do with my righteousness too often, which leads to a “works based mentality.”

“For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Corinthians 5:21

In times when things get harder what are you believing? Look into your heart and you will find the answer to this question. When you continue to fall to temptation, and feel as if there is no way out, what are you believing? When you have some good days mixed in between many hard/bad days but there is never any real balance; what are you believing?

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

“A man without self-control (balance, a sober-mind) is like a city broken into and left without walls.” Proverbs 25:28

I find myself quick to forget things the Lord has taught me, and it all goes back to what I am believing. Tough moments, struggles and stresses help you see what’s in your heart.

Over the past year God has helped me find freedom in many areas, now, in some of these areas I would say it’s pretty easy to walk out that freedom (most of it is still a process, but not as much of a struggle as it was at the beginning). What I didn’t stop to think about over these past few months is how hard it was so get to the place where I could even walk.

For example…I used to have so much hate in me that I was bound by hate, more specifically self-hate. I hated everything about myself and hating yourself is never good, because I was the one person that I could never get away from. Slowly as God was re-writing who He was on my heart I started seeing that what He said about me was not only Truth, but I was ALLOWED to believe what He said, and even further than that, not believing in what He said about me was not only a sin but was agreeing with what the devil said about me. When God opened my eyes and my heart to this revelation I started confessing scripture over myself, but this was not easy. It started with me just saying it to myself (in my mind), then I was able to whisper it out loud (as long as I knew no one could hear me or see me), then I started saying it a little louder and didn’t mind if people were around (as long as they still couldn’t hear what I was saying), eventually I got to the point where I could look in the mirror, confess the truth about who God says I am and actually say it with confidence. I would love to tell you His truth and His words about me dropped to my heart and I no longer struggled with hating myself; but the truth is I still have to confess these truths over my life, only now I can do it confidently knowing I am who He says I am and I don’t have to believe otherwise! It’s not as hard for me to realize now that when something negative pops in my head about myself it’s not automatically true. I’m able to stop and think, wait I just looked in the mirror and thought, “Eww, I’m so ugly” but is that what God says is true about me? NO! He says,
"Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful.” Song of Solomon 4:1

So compared to where I was at a year ago I would say the Lord is helping me walk out my freedom in the area of self-hatred, but it was in no way an easy process.

I don’t  know about you, but when God teaches me things I tend to be extremely hard-headed to the point where I have to learn it, learn it again and re-learn it and then learn it again… and while going through the process of re-learning teaches me so much about God’s patience and faithfulness in my life, I would like to not have to go all the way around the mountain again and again only to realize the road THROUGH the mountain was right in front of me the whole time.

Speaking of the eleven day journey the Israelites were on that took them FORTY YEARS…
“The Lord our God said to us in Horeb, ‘You have stayed long enough at this mountain.’” Deuteronomy 1:6

God will not just do it all for us. We can’t just sit back and expect Him to do everything. He has called us to do our part, and He will do His. I cannot just say I’m sorry for sinning, again, read a couple scriptures and hope that my actions will change.

“If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from Heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14

I will seek Him. In Christ is where I find victory and freedom. If I am trying to figure it out on my own I am still thinking I have something to do with my righteousness.