For the past few days I’ve struggled with finding the right ways of saying things in an “efficient manner”. But honestly, ever since I’ve said stepped forward on this journey I’ve seem to lose grasp of the things that are important to me.
So here’s to vulnerability.
Here’s to letting y’all fully walk with me in this journey even in the hard parts.
Dear Friends and Family,
I’m a perfectionist. I like to have everything nicely organized and planned out to a “T” with back-up plans that have back-up plans (just in case something goes wrong?). I like order and security. I like to know that everything will go right. My room stays organized (when Caty doesn’t mess it up) and my calendar is color coded and sticky notes fill it with to-do lists.
However; lately, things just haven’t been going that way. It seems that ever since I said “yes” to the Race and trusting God in His plans… He decided my life needed to be shaken up. He decided that I needed to get rid of the order and security and trust in Him.
But man….that is hard!!
I know the way it’s “suppose to go” is that I tell you guys about the excitement I have for leaving the country for 9 months. I know that I’m suppose to be on this spiritual high this whole time and just trust God in whatever as I confidently walk in boldness. Yet…here I am. Doing the exact opposite. I’m telling you guys I’m struggling. I’m struggling in friendships, trust, family, and faithfulness in God’s ways.
-Cassie
The truth is that if I were to wait until I had my life in order to serve God I’d be waiting my whole life. My life is never going to be organized and it’s never going to be planned out and go according to my plans. Because it’s not up to me. I know that on the Race I’m going to struggle with not having an itinerary and I’ll feel just as lost as I do here at home.
Yet, despite that. I know that I serve a loving God who even in the times that I doubt and don’t understand what I’m going through He keeps running after me. He keeps pursuing me and calling me His daughter.
He’s a good, good Father and He’s a good, good Father to me. So let me try this again…
My Dear Friends and Family,
I want you to know before I say anything else that I am not perfect. Although I like to think that I can be (and as much as I want to be), I’m simply not. I can’t have everything organized and color-coded like I want to. In fact, I have no idea what else lies ahead of me heading into the race. ALSO, I know that there are so many times when I won’t understand what God want from me. When I ask you to walk on this race with me it means that I want you to walk with me in the midst of my intentional vulnerability.
I firmly believe that there are so many things that we are meant to struggle with to see the picture of the cross ten times more beautifully. Personally, I’m walking through some difficult times right now. Yet, I know that God is such a good and loving Father. I will continuously strive to live out the words that sing in my heart “Your praise will ever be on my lips”. They will ever be there as I struggle with the hurt because His love will triumph. I am excited about the Race and I look forward to the community and the love that will embrace my struggles. I am excited about fully adoring God outside of my comfort zone. I am also excited about the growth that comes from these moments….
Vulnerability. I love it.
-Cassie
“So many times Lord I just desperately want to be with You but I feel like you’re not there. Yet you continuously whisper in my ear, “My sweet child I am always here”. I thank you for sweeping me off my feet an picking me up in your hand. For holding me and calling me your Daughter.”
– Excerpt from a personal journal entry
P.S. I think that I wrote this in a very efficient manner! Lol what do you think? (:
