My team and I visited beautiful Hawah Beach in southern India last week. I was swimming out in the crystal blue waves of the Indian Ocean. It was gorgeous, the water was so refreshing. The waves were just the right size to dive through or ride on. I was free. But slowly, I got out too far. I couldn't touch the bottom anymore. And suddenly the waves started getting much bigger. By the time I noticed that I was being pulled into the massive wall of water–it was too late. CRASH! The water hit me with such force that I was sucked into the undertow. I could feel myself flipping over and over. I couldn't gain control. I was at the mercy of the unrelenting wave. I was probably only under the water for 10-15 seconds, but it felt like an eternity. Just as I was set free and I gasped in air (and a lot of unwanted salt water), I was hit by a second wave. Again, I was plummeting down. TERRIFIED. I was fighting with every ounce of my being to get back to the surface. When my head finally broke through the surf, I heard myself screaming for help. My teammate Adam had seen my plight and came quickly to my rescue. He lifted me out of the water, just in time to avoid wave number three, and he led me safely back to shore. I am pretty sure that I was crying the whole way back. I was a mess. I really thought that I might die. I felt defeated and completely overwhelmed. Thankfully after a little time and some loving jokes from my teammates, I pulled it together and we had a great afternoon. We enjoyed a beautiful sunset over the water and a delicious Italian dinner before returning home.
When I laid in bed that night, I realized that the waves were just a very tangible example of how I have been feeling a lot lately. I am going to be turning 25 this week. That "wave" hit hard and fast. As that reality sucked me in, I felt helpless and defeated. Like I had absolutely no control. As I was spinning beneath the wave's power I realized that I am nowhere near where I thought I would be at 25. I thought that I would have a solid, successful career. I thought that I would be happily married to the man that I loved more than life itself. I thought that I would have a beautiful baby, maybe even two. But that is just not my reality. God has really been working on my heart, healing the hurts of my past, and helping me to change my outlook. But just as I was beginning to gain a foothold, to have hope…the second wave hit. I felt God's voice in this wave, saying that I shouldn't move back to Tucson after the Race. That He has a new path for me. So again, I felt myself swirling and twirling, I couldn't breathe. Now I was being asked to let go of everything that I know: friends, family, comforts of home. When I surfaced and called out for help, Jesus was there to rescue me from any further impending waves. He is always there ready to rescue. He will never let me drown in life's merciless waves.
I don't know why at age 25 Jesus called me to the Race instead of having me focus on building a clientele at a salon. I don't know why I am not anywhere close to starting a family yet. And I certainly don't know why God is calling me away from my home in Tucson and into the unknown.
Right now, what I do know… is that Jesus is with me. He loves me enough to save me from certain death. To save me from the waves of my own desires that have led to nothing but shame and heartache. He loves me enough to speak to me clearly as His beloved daughter. He loves me enough to have a plan and a purpose for my life. One that is full of restoration. One that will bring Him glory.
I will continue to cry out. I will continue to seek God's will. I will continue to have faith that He will answer. That Jesus will take my hand and lead me to the shore of my future.
"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things that you do not know."
-Jeremiah 33:3
Love you guys!! Thank you for your continued prayers and encouragement!
<3 Cassie
　
