DEBRIEF: MOLDOVA
When my team (along with 5 other teams) finally stepped off of our bus at debrief, I looked around…and suppressed a horrified scream. We had been on the bus from Ukraine to Moldova for over 14 hours. We were all very hungry, very sweaty (which I found is a result of 42 people sitting at a border crossing in a bus with no air conditioning for 2 hours), very tired, and very full of expectations for what debrief "should" look like. We were immediately faced with the challenge of walking up a large hill with our packs strapped on our backs, just to reach an old campground in middle of nowhere Moldova. We were then led into our little cabin room and upon entrance were greeted by an ominous chorus of mosquitos. Looking around, we came to terms with the fact that there was no wifi pretty quickly. I slung my daypack up on to the top bunk of the creaky old metal bunk bed, and to my surprise was showered by a lovely layer of dust. The ladies from my room and I then ventured to the mess hall across camp, where we found very little drinkable water, and a pot of questionable cabbage and potato soup for dinner. The last discovery of the evening, and probably the most disheartening, was the infamous "squatty potty" situation. Yupp. This was going to be our getaway, our break from ministry, our haven in the woods for the next week.
But what I have found this week is that God is so much bigger and so much better than my expectations. My Father knew that I needed rest this week. That I needed to have no distractions. That all that I needed was Him. To hear His voice. To feel His presence. The Lord has been helping me to understand what it means to walk in obedience to Him. For a long time, I had the attitude that I had to sacrifice things for the Lord. But as the week at debrief progressed, I began to see that true obedience brings incredible freedom and joy. It produces good fruit. In fully surrendering my ALL to Jesus:
-I am able to hear His voice so much more clearly.
-God loves me and has given me the gift of discernment. In trusting Him, I can know what the right thing is to do and can do it in confidence.
-I no longer have to carry the burden/lie that my life and the lives of my loved ones are better off in my clinging hands, than in His completely sovereign and merciful hands.
-I am now physically hungry for His word.
-I am compelled to encourage others with prophetic words that can only be from Him.
-I am more confident in the voice that He has given me and sing His praises loud.
-I am at peace.
God is revealing to me who He is. He is showing me that He is not only my Provider (which is how I have seen Him throughout my life), but that he is also my Redeemer. Not only my Redeemer, but also my Protector. Not only my Protector, but also my Healer. Not only my Healer, but also my Beloved, the Lover of my soul. Until this past week, there had never been a day in my life that I actually MISSED Jesus if I didn't talk to Him enough throughout the day. He is becoming my EVERYTHING and I am so excited! He is also teaching me about my identity. What my destiny is in His kingdom. God does NOT remember our past. He is incapable of forming our identity from our past. God can only form our identity out of our destiny, which is who He created us to be. Satan does not know our future. So in turn he can only speak to us our identity out of our past. He uses our past mistakes as a weapon against us. God is the creator of the world. When He spoke life into existence, there became life out of nothing. He has spoken to me that I am His beautiful daughter, and that I can rest joyfully in His fatherly arms. He has spoken to me that I am His heart, and that my heart shall break for what breaks His. He has spoken to me that I am His bride, and that I AM enough. My identity is not in who I think that I have been, or what my past performances say that I am. My identity is in God's spoken destiny for my life.
Out in the middle of a Moldovan forest, thousands of miles away from home, the Lord has blessed me with a group of believers that are all ferociously searching for more of Him. A squad that is not satisfied with leaving God unexplored. A team that encourages each other into a deeper more intimate relationship with Jesus and with one another. I am learning that the church that I read about in Acts, can actually still exist today. I am experiencing love in the way that Christ intended for His people to love.
This week all of my chains are gone and I have been set free. My expectations for my life are gone. They are surrendered. I will settle for nothing less than God's highest for me. As I sit here typing, (even with the pungent squatty potty breeze blowing in through our sketchy cabin window)there is NO place that I would rather be.
Love you all! Thank you so much for your continued encouragement, support, and prayers!
<3 Cassie
