Hello friends! I have made it safely back to sunny Tucson, Arizona! It has been so incredible to be surrounded by loving friends and family the past few days! My first night's sleep in my OWN bed was awesome! My first hug from my grandparents was full of so much love! My first trip to a Starbucks with cinnamon dolce syrup was fantastic! My first "real" Mexican food dinner was delicious…and then so were my second and third! My first time driving Rachel's truck to Target by myself was liberating! My first haircut/color in over 11 months was long overdue and much needed! My first time wearing a cute top and high heels was wonderful! My first quiet time with Jesus in real "pin-dropping" silence was refreshing! My first night back at church with friends and with music and a message I could understand was rejuvenating!
Being home is great, but it's also really strange. So many things are the same, but then again they are also very different. It is crazy to think that I was actually gone for a year! There are days that I feel like I never left, and then days where I feel like an alien dropped down onto a foreign planet. I am in a very weird place right now. I'm just trying to figure out the next step. My loving roommates are allowing me to stay at home for free since I haven't had an income in 11 months (and have no prospect of making money in the near future). I don't have a car, so some days I feel like I am on house arrest. All of my closest friends are in serious relationships, married, having babies, or getting promotions in their "adult careers." And then there is me…
While I was on the Race, it was normal to be surrounded by people who didn't know the next step. We were all just trying to figure out the calling that God has placed on our lives and then do our best to live it out. Being home, I find myself getting easily distracted and discouraged. It is a constant internal battle between earthly desires and Kingdom desires. I feel the pressure (mostly from myself) to have everything figured out.
I definitely want to be obedient to what I feel like God is calling me to do. I know He has been faithful in the past, and I know He will be again in the future. I know that God blessed me with the past 11 months to learn how to walk in the freedom that He purchased for me on the cross. To learn what it means to really love myself, so that I can love others the way they deserve to be loved. And I know that I have been set free so that many others can experience that same precious freedom and love. But it is really tough right now that my circumstances, basically my total inability to provide for myself, make me feel like I am 25 going on 15. I would appreciate prayer for renewed strength and for further clarity and direction for my future.
My plan as of today is this: I will be in Arizona until June 20th. I will then be in Georgia from June 20th-26th to attend Searchlight to figure out how I will go about fundraising to be a missionary to Chiang Mai, Thailand. I will also get to be reunited with my incredible H squad family for a few days! June 26th-August 5th(ish) I will be in Ohio and finally get to see my mom, brother, sister, and other family! In Ohio I will start my fundraising and begin setting up more concrete plans for Thailand. August 5th-September 3rd(ish) I will be back in Tucson for concerts and weddings and other fun stuff (still continuing fundraising efforts). September 3rd-?(Whenever I am able to leave for Thailand) I will be living in Columbus, Ohio, where I will be able to celebrate my sister's 10th birthday with her and get to love on her like I haven't been able to do living in Tucson the past 7 years of her life.
That is a very rough draft, but it's all I've got for now. All of the unknown is scary and exciting. One minute I feel like I am going to change some women's lives in Thailand through God's grace, and I am pumped! The next minute I am terrified that I am going to end up crazy and alone in a rocking chair somewhere surrounded by cats…and what makes it worse is that I don't even like cats. Yikes.
But ultimately I know that God understands, heck He created, ALL of the desires of my heart and I know that when I am obedient to His call that He blesses me more than I could have ever imagined.
I am looking forward to the next 2 1/2 weeks that I have here in Arizona! Thank you to everyone who has supported, encouraged, and prayed for me this year! You are all so incredible and have blessed me more than you know! I will keep you updated with my future plans as I know more. If anyone feels so inclined as to come rescue me from my house arrest and just grab coffee or something, that would be awesome! Call me or text me, my number is the same! Love you guys!
<3 Cassie
