Who is this girl I’m looking at?
In the mirror, yeah.
It’s my relfection. Ok.
But she’s also now so much more than that.
9 months doesn’t sound like that much.
It’s less than a year. But that’s where I’m at. I’ve been doing this thing for 9 months.
But some incredible things can happen in 9 months.
The human body creates life in 9 months. Another living, breathing, functioning human inside of one another. That is something amazing that happens is 9 months.
For me, I don’t even recognize parts of myself.
I came onto the race broken. Completely shattered, needing fixing, needing healing.
I came believing so many lies about myself and about my past that kept my in chains.
I came not knowing anything about where my future was going or what my heart longed for.
I came still with so much shame from my past, I didn’t believe I deserved love from anyone, especially not someone who could ever want to marry me one day.
I came thinking you have to go to do missions, to be a “good christian”.
But as a look at this girl in the mirror, I don’t recognize those lies. I don’t recognize that girl. Because this is someone completely different.
I have gotten so much healing from a rape I experienced 4 years ago, and the shame that came after that that kept it hidden.
I found my heart for youth during a conversation month 1. And I also found my heart for Macedonia.
I’ve found my heart longs to keep growing and serving, I never want to peak or think I’ve peaked. I want to love people better each day.
I am free from the shame of my past, and I know the Lord is gonna provide so much, abundently.
I was shown that sometimes the most difficult, yet most needed and rewarding ministry is to stay and love people around you.
Who is this girl I’m looking at?
The thing is, I’m still me, but I’ve changed.
I’ve held babies in the clothing tent at the refugee camp in Greece not knowing if that baby was still living.
I’ve cried endless hours about not being able to provide a man with shoes after he lost his using them to scoop the water out of the boat from Turkey to Greece, probably saving everyone in the boat.
I’ve hiked 15 miles to meet the chief of the valley and then the chief of the village in Africa to get permission to preach the gospel.
I’ve accepted these crazy, curly, poofy locks I call hair.
I’ve skinned a cobra and eaten it.
I’ve experienced the Lord in so many places, in so many struggles, the good and the bad, I’m learning my Father’s voice.
I’ve traveled more hours on plane, ferry, bus, train, car, trike, than ever desired.
I now currently have 6 tattoos, including a smiley face.
I’ve seen God do INCREDIBLE things.
I am now free of so many things I was once in bondage of.
I’ve shared the gospel with new friends and complete strangers and everyone in between.
I’ve changed.
And the thing is I will never be the same.
