Goodbyes. Something I’ve found myself sad and fearful of as my first year at college came to a close. I’m officially packed up out of my dorm room, soon to be back living in Portland for the next couple months until launch. These past few weeks have been some of the most fun, exciting, and bittersweet times. Moments filled with lots of laughs, tears (both happy & sad), friends, drives, Salem Young life gatherings, study sessions, jokes, ice cream, coffee runs and everything in between. All moments I’ll carry so close to my heart forever.
People ask me if I’m ready to say goodbye and the truth is I’m not at all. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Monmouth or my college friends from states away that I won’t get to see until after the race. With the school year ending it made me more aware of how quickly everything is falling into place. This summer is going to be such a busy one and before I know it, I’ll be faced with more goodbyes but then welcomed by my squadmates for launch. Friday night was my last in Monmouth for awhile and I found myself parked in a lot on campus watching the sky and bawling my eyes out for no apparent reason. Change can be scary and the word goodbye always has this sad affect to it. I almost cry every time I think about the moments to come that I’ll have to say goodbye to my two best friends. Saying goodbye to my parents, brothers, and new nephew will be crazy.
Friends ask me if i’m so sad to leave then why am I leaving? An answer I’ve thought long and hard about. Simply put, I think it all comes down to sacrifice. To give up everything I have and love to go do what God’s put on my heart.
If I’ve learned anything in the past few weeks it’s that fear is not from God and that there is so much good in the goodbyes. How blessed I must be to have spent these last nine months at a school I enjoy with friends that love on me well and make me love it a hundred times more. To be sad about leaving must mean you experienced something so GOOD. I got to go to Western. I got to meet such amazing, Jesus loving friends that became family. And now, I get to say goodbye. I get to travel across the world to make others feel loved, seen and known. As I think forward to the race, I have no clue what exactly it’s going to look like but I do know it’ll be full of quite a few goodbyes. Goodbyes as we leave from home to home, country to country, and goodbyes once our nine months eventually comes to a close. Lately, I think Gods been preparing my heart to be okay with this. I’ve begun seeing the good in the goodbyes and let me tell you, it gets me jazzed! To give up everything that makes me comfortable can be so overwhelming sometimes but I’m constantly reminded of the good that God is doing in the midst of it all. My friends and I may be going in different directions for now but that doesn’t change our bond. So, moving forward I’m no longer going to let “goodbye” have a negative and sad affect. I’m blessed to know the people I know and I’m blessed to have been given this opportunity. I cannot wait for all the goodbyes being on the race will have because that will mean that I met people who touched my heart and that is something I’d never want to change just to avoid a silly goodbye. I don’t want to be someone who is scared to make relationships and love others just because one day a goodbye will come. I want to be someone who lives in the present, loves hard, and appreciates every moment I’m given with the people I’m surrounded by. In this season, I’m reminding myself that goodbyes are good and they are not permanent. Nineteen days until training camp. Seventy-nine days until launch. Soaking up every last moment here in the US. It’s getting REAL and I can’t wait to see what God continues to teach me both before and during the race.
Thanks for reading.
Love always,
Cass
