Since switching routes I’ve been overwhelmed with so many emotions that it’s hard to exactly say how I feel. From excitement and peace to fear, doubt and everything in between. It’s both crazy and frustrating to me that one day I can be so excited for the race knowing that this is what He’s called me to do but then wake up the next day with a billion questions wondering if I’ve made the right choice.
As a young adult it’s often times tough to understand things we need versus the things we want. More often than not my mind is racing through so many things at once it’s hard to even pinpoint what it is I need in that moment. With this, recently more than ever before God is teaching me that it’s okay to not always know what my soul needs because He always knows what my needs are before I can even think of them myself.
When I went back home Easter weekend I got the chance to go back to my home church in Portland. Toward the end of the service I went down to receive prayer about the season of life I’ve found myself in, how I cannot wait to learn more why Gods called me on this journey but also shared my frustration of the doubt that sometimes sneaks up on me regarding The Race. Asking for prayer is something I’ve always struggled with but am learning to find a new appreciation for. As the lady was praying over me she kept asking God to remind me of His love for me, to fill me with living water and remind me what that means. She stated that she knew God has his plan for me laid out and asked Him to help me be less fearful of the future. And BOY OH BOY did He do that!! As I got up from the floor to walk back to my seat I looked up to see a girl who’s also on Route 4 walking down to me. She asked if we could pray together and I broke down into tears as we walked back down to the front. It’s weird to me to think of how normal it felt to sit there hugging this girl as I bawled my eyes out with her. Other than social media we’re basically strangers yet immediately I felt so at peace. A very much needed cry. It’s hard to even put that moment into words. And really It’s not weird because that’s the love of Jesus. The kind of love that turns a stranger into a sister before ever needing a formal introduction.
It’s crazy to me thinking about it because that moment was exactly what I needed and I didn’t even know it but He did. To sit there and share a cry with someone I’ll get to live with for nine months. A total God thing for sure. The lady that prayed for me asked Him to help remove the doubt and fear from my heart with The Race if this plan is His will and not even five minutes later He did exactly that. He showed up. He provided comfort in a way I didn’t even know I needed. As I prepare to leave everything I’ve ever known in just four short months things can seem pretty scary but the people God has already placed in my life for this journey are incredible. This Easter service was definitely one of the first I will never forget. How sweet it is to be reminded that we serve a living God. A God who knows my needs and never fails to fulfill His promises. In this season I am so thankful to know and serve a God who always fulfills my needs. Thankful for realignment, encouragement, and simple reminders of how much He truly loves me. Thank you all for supporting me on this journey. I’d appreciate your prayers as I keep fighting the doubt that sometimes tries to sneak up and push forward to dive deeper in my relationship with Jesus, learning what it truly means to live a life for the Kingdom and how I can reflect His love upon those I encounter.
Love always,
Cass
