Hi friends. I want to thank you all for checking in and continuing to follow me on my World Race journey, even as I have been a bit MIA lately. It’s been a hard season – one that has been both painfully difficult and also abundantly joyful. With my decision to launch in January instead of September, I encountered several practical needs and challenges that required immediate attention and have made me feel much more like an official ‘adult’ than I had anticipated becoming for I went on the World Race. By the Lord’s gracious provision, I now own a car (granted, it’s almost as old as I am. But a car is a car!), pay for my own health and car insurance, and have my own phone plan. It goes without saying that those things don’t come free, so I’ve been working far more than I’d anticipated in order to cover these expenses. Unfortunately, this has left me with little time for blogging and fundraising. However, this reluctant hiatus from most things World Race-related (and the resulting feelings of inadequacy, failure, and ineffectiveness) has led me to the feet of the One who first called me on this journey, and I have been reminded again of how sweet a place that is to be.
Don’t get the wrong idea – my conversations with God during this season of staying and choosing to obey even when I don’t understand have NOT been all rainbows and butterflies. In fact, quite the opposite is true. My prayers have expressed more frustration, confusion, and, yes, anger over these past two months than perhaps any other time in my life. Then again, they have probably been some of the most honest prayers that I’ve prayed in my entire life. And instead of feeling as though the Lord drew back from my stubborn, self-centered, and surly self during these times of wrestling with Him, I have experienced His nearness and love in ways that I could never have asked for or imagined.
One of my most common prayers has been, ‘God, why?’ Why would You call me to go, only to ask me to stay just when I was finally getting ready to leave? Why could You possibly want me to spend another four months in Charlotte, North Carolina – the same place that I’ve spent the majority of the past twenty two years? Why can’t I just go already?
Well, with much prayer came a great deal of time spent pouring over the worn and well-loved pages of my Bible and, true to His word, the Lord met me in my lack of understanding.
“This is what the Lord says, He who made the earth, the Lord who formed it and established it- the Lord is His name: ‘Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” (Jeremiah 33:2-3)
God has answered my cries of ‘Why, Lord, why?’ in many ways, but today was certainly the most definitive answer yet. Today, I accomplished very little. I called out of work, and didn’t leave the living room of my apartment until nearly 2 o’clock in the afternoon. I spent the majority of today pleading with the Lord on behalf of my best friend. I prayed more fervently and passionately than I’ve ever prayed in my entire life, and I also cried more than I have in a very long time. Today my physical body is in Charlotte, North Carolina, but my heart and spirit are in the ICU of a hospital in Kathmandu, Nepal with one of my favorite people in the entire world as she fights an unknown illness that is attacking her body with alarming fierceness.
Caitlin and I have only known each other for a total four years – nearly two of which we’ve spent in different time zones. But we were destined to be friends for eternity since day one. She is also the first person who ever told me about the World Race, which promptly led to us dreaming of that seemingly far-off future when we would both graduate from college, get married, and then go with our husbands on the most epic 11-month long double date ever. Now that not-so-distant day has come and we’re not married or preparing to go on the World Race together, but we are closer as friends and sisters in Christ than either of us could have ever imagined. She has been one of my greatest supporters on this World Race journey, and I can’t imagine doing this without her prayers and constant encouragement.
But today, I cried countless tears over the mere thought of being so far from my best friend when it seems like she needs me to support and encourage her the most. Today I have clung to my God who is the ultimate Healer and great Physician in ways that I never have before. Today, if I had kept my World Race launch date as September, I would be sleeping in an airport en route to my first month of ministry in Haiti and I would have been overwhelmed beyond comprehension by the news that my best friend is fighting for her life halfway across the world. So overwhelmed that I may not have been able to leave the United States and start my World Race journey anyway.
Instead, I was overwhelmed with gratitude today that the God who knows every detail of my life called me to stay. I was able to spend hours pleading with Him on behalf of my dear friend while being surrounded by sweet friends and roommates who prayed with me when I couldn’t and spoke words of comfort to my aching soul. For reasons that I couldn’t have possibly understood two months ago, the Lord knew that I needed to delay my World Race launch for a few months. Though I didn’t understand it at the time, He knew that I needed to stay. His ways are not my ways.
Has Caitlin’s illness brought on a whole new set of questions and cries of ‘Why, God?’? Yes.
Has God given me an answer to today’s whys, or given me some profound insight as to why He’s letting one of His precious and beloved daughters suffer so severely? No.
But today, I am filled with a renewed sense of comfort in these words of Scripture:
“‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.'” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
So I continue to pray fervently for the Lord to bring His hand of healing over Caitlin and, even more so, I continue to seek the Lord and His ways in my life. I do it because I have confidence that this is all a part of His plan that works ALL things together for His glory and the good of those that love Him (Romans 8:28). I do it because, honestly, I don’t know what else to do. And I read Romans 8 over and over again, because that is Cait’s absolute favorite passage in the Bible and the many verses that promise LIFE in the Spirit of God have never seemed so precious as they do now.
Please join me in praying for Caitlin – that the doctors would be given supernatural wisdom in determining how to treat her, that she would be comforted by the presence of the Lord and His angels as she is separated from family and friends by many miles, and – though these words are impossibly difficult to type – that everything would go precisely according to God’s plan, even though I know His thoughts don’t always match up with my thoughts.
His ways are not my ways, but they are good.
In His love,
Cassady
“Not even thousands of miles of distance can keep us from having our coffee dates.” (January 13, 2012)
